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Juicy is such a great word, which to me, describes being alive, fully present and expressive.   Your juiciness is a result of the love you are holding for yourself, life and others.  In other words, your juiciness level ultimately depends on you.

At the same time, your relationships impact your level of juiciness as well.   Because of the love you have for your partner, you may find that you have allowed some behaviors to slide.  Now, of course, we all need to be flexible in our relationships.  The question is if you are allowing a behavior to continue that takes away from your juiciness.   What would that behavior be?  The one behavior that keeps showing up and drives you absolutely crazy!

Here are some recent examples I have heard lately, where a partner is guilty of:

• Not providing adequate enough help around the house,
• Being distracted when you show signs of affection,
• Cutting you off in conversation, or
• Teasing you about something that really bothers you.

The behavior could be anything.  The point is that your partner is unconscious of how this is truly impacting you, as well as him or herself!  You see, you have probably brought up the issue previously before, right?  Yet, for one reason or another, the behavior sneaks back into your relationship.  In the vast majority of cases, this is not intentional of your partner. He/she simply does not realize the impact this has on the juiciness of your relationship.

Try this step by step process:

1. Identify how you feel when your partner engages in the behavior.
2. Share how you recognize that your partner is not engaging in the behavior to intentionally hurt you. ** (See Note)
3. Explain how his/her behavior makes you feel.  Ie: I feel ignored, which makes me really sad or I feel depleted, which makes me angry and frustrated.
4. Describe how your resentment unintentionally comes out.  I now realize that this is why I don’t want to do this activity that you love or I now realize this is why I don’t have the energy to give to you once the kids are in bed.
5. Describe how a change in behavior would benefit your partner. ie When you don’t cut me off in a conversation, I feel seen and heard by others.  When I feel this way, it makes me want to share more of myself with you.
6. Create a signal.  A signal can be a word, hand gesture (the middle finger generally not a good one to useJ), or pull on one of his/her fingers. Whatever can get your partner’s attention to recognize he/she is engaging in the behavior.  Don’t worry about other people sensing something is up.  Even if they do, you can explain and I am certain if they are in a relationship, they can relate!  Bottom line, make it fun!
7. Show Gratitude.  Since your partner is making a conscious effort, you make the conscious effort to share more of your juiciness with him/her.

By partaking in these steps, you are motivating your partner to change.  Your partner is only human.  This means you cannot expect him/her to fully understand what his/her behavior truly means to you.  Plus, by consciously sharing more of your juiciness, you are setting up for future shifts to occur with greater ease.  You and your relationship should include juicy expressions of both of you.  Having this type of honest conversation and healthy boundary setting allows the juiciness to flow between you and your partner even more!

Here’s to you and your juiciest expression of self!

** Important Note: If you actually feel that your partner is intentionally engaging in behaviors to hurt you, PLEASE, use this as a WARNING SIGNAL!  What is happening is underlying resentments are going to build up between the both of you and sabotage your relationship.  If both of you sense underlying resentments exist, see a marital therapist before it is too late.  Ask any marital therapist what ends marriages and they’ll say “the couple waited too long to get support.”