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There was a time in my life when I ran myself in circles.

I was exhausted and making matters worse, had not much to show for my constant doing.

Stopping to tell myself to just be, worked temporarily, but eventually my ego would pipe in with commentary that made me feel guilty or selfish.

Just like that, I’d go back to the never-ending to-do list.  

“This is life.” – so I thought.  

What I couldn’t recognize was this was the life I was creating for myself.

This creation was based on my belief that the only way to create a life I truly dreamed of having was to push myself harder and harder and harder.

It turns out the push yourself harder mentality has been passed on to millennials too. 

In order for me to stop pushing I had to face two important pieces of reality:

1. Pushing myself was not working.
2. Pushing myself was not loving.

So why in the heck was I doing this to MYSELF?!?  

It turns out that even though I thought I valued myself, I didn’t.

I bought into the notion that self-care equated to self-worth. 

It’s definitely is on the spectrum of self-worth, but it came with a cost.  I had to be deserving of self-care, which meant being exhausted.

So while my ego took careful count of the ways each month or week I would participate in self-care, what wasn’t taken into consideration was the countless small ways that I wasn’t valuing myself – hour by hour, moment by moment.  Work, never-ending to-do lists, making money to support my family, being there for the kids, household duties – THIS is what mattered.

It was in those seemingly everyday moments my actions spoke louder than words, saying quite clearly “I don’t really matter.”

Facing that truth, I was sad and frustrated with myself. 

Then I got angry.  And this is when the magic happened! 

The empowered guidance of my anger guided me to push back.  Finally, I was able to see how easily my ego whipping me around, telling me what to do.

Backed in the corner of my psyche was a little girl curled up in a ball.  She was so scared of her ego lashing out at her, bullying her that if she didn’t keep going, she’d never be enough.

So the adult me, went into my psyche, took that little girl by the hand and helped her stand up.  Together we told my ego to back the  F up!

I used the loving energy of my anger to go to battle with my lack of self-worth.

Let me tell ya, there were plenty of triggers along the way.  The multitude of ways my ego used my external circumstances to define if my day (or life) was good enough was frightening.  Everything from a messy sink to a frightfully low bank account could send my ego in a tizzy.  

But I stayed (mostly) steady and learned to value my worth from within.  I took breaks when I needed them and I let things go.  

The best thing I did, was learn to allow my ego to unleash it’s flurry on me and not budge.  

I had to learn to not let that F’in bully push me around!

The times I failed my little girl (by believing in my ego’s lies of tying my worth based on external components of life), I apologized to her.  I then reaffirmed to her how I am learning to be stronger every day.

The best news I can give you, if you are up for the journey, is that your life won’t fall apart as much as your ego tells you it will.  Also, I promise, your life WILL come back together, even better than it was.   The ultimate outcome you gain is something that cannot be taken away from you, which is a sense of both inner and outer freedom.

Ready to step in? Here’s how to start the journey: 

Step 1: What are the ways your ego is tying your self-worth to the things you do?  List them out.

Step 2: What is one small way you can let-go of external validation and shift to internal recognition instead?  Work on this small way until it’s triggers diminish.

Step 3: How can you prepare for your ego’s backlash?  The dying wolf cries the loudest.  Be prepared for how your ego will want to manipulate you.  Will it be your bank account, forgetting to send in your kid’s permission slip – again, the spinning dust bunnies that swirl around you??  Plan for how you want to respond instead of react.

Step 4: Acknowledge every single time you took a stand and stopped your ego from pushing you around.  The beauty of your emotions is that every time you stand up to your inner bully, you’ll feel better internally.  Allow how you feel to be your win, instead of the external circumstances, which are temporary.

Tips:

* Start slowly.  This internal journey is a marathon, not a sprint.  

* Allow yourself patience as you unravel decades of beliefs that tied your worth to what you do and accomplish.

* If you feel off, the ego is likely in the driver’s seat again.  Don’t worry.  The empowered version of your negative feelings will be there to help you course correct again to reclaim your truth and a sense of self worth that can never be defined by anything outside of you.  

* If you need help with accessing the empowered version of your negative feelings, sign up for my complimentary F.E.E.L. (Feel Every Emotion as Love) Training Kit here: http://michellebersell.com/well-being/

Warmly,