What’s Stopping You from Sharing More of Yourself?

Here we are at the Spring Equinox, a time for rebirth and transformation.  This spring of 2012, is a time when we need to be conscious of our personal awakening.  We are at the beginning of welcoming in a new way of being and living, as the world we live in is and will continue to experience many changes.  Now more than ever is your time to spread your wings and tap into your courage to be your full expression of self.

In your heart, you already know what it would feel like to be fully expressed.  You would be sharing a part of yourself that serves others.  Sharing yourself in this way will bring you great joy and fulfillment.

Yet, what stops you from spreading your wings?  At times, you are likely connected to that feeling in your heart where you believe in yourself so completely.  Other times, fear and negative feelings may be unconsciously dictating your reactions to life.  Rather than feel expansive, you close your wings and bring them in tight, close to you.  At that moment, you have gone into what I call your “Safe-Self.”

Let’s face it, being your Fully Expressed Self is risky.  You’re letting your wings spread bigger than you ever have.  You are allowing yourself to be truly seen.

Although sharing yourself in this way is how your heart is guiding you to live, your ego thinks differently.  Your ego wants to keep you safe -either by living inside the box: where you live afraid of how others view you OR by remaining feeling comfortable in your own skin - feeling good yet, not completely fulfilled.

The problem is your safe self is a version of being the victim.  Now let me be clear, I have no problem when we go into the victim or safe mode of living.  Being the victim or safe-self has times when it serves us to lick our wounds and nurture ourselves in order that we can pick ourselves up again after being hurt or feeling threatened.  At the same time, both being the victim and remaining in safe self mode can be overplayed and don’t serve your highest good.

Now thankfully, no one likes to remain the victim for too long.  Eventually you see you aren’t able to create the life you want remaining disempowered.  Yet, the safe self is another story.  We like staying safe – even at the expense of your true self and of the life that could be possible if you followed your heart.

The problem is that the sense of safety you are buying into is false.  It is an illusion to have your short-term needs met, while taking away your chances to have your long-term desires fulfilled.

This spring, as we are called to crack open the egg to reawaken and rebirth, ask yourself:

1. In what area of my life have I remained playing safe – by old rules, or an old role that no longer serves me?

2. Where am I longing to spread my wings and how does my safe self try to stop me?

Next, the key is to NOT judge your safe self – after all, that part of you just wants to keep you safe.  You can honor this part of you by asking:

3. How can I make you (safe self) feel safe even while I take risks to express and share myself more fully?

What your safe self ultimately wants to feel safe from is actually YOU – the harsh critic, self-doubting you!  Sure you may project that others are criticizing or judging you.  The reality is even if people were, you wouldn’t notice unless there was a part of you doing the same.

So the question really is:

4. How do I make myself safe from the part of me that picks on myself?

The answer is you listen to your negative feelings from the standpoint of love rather than fear.  From the standpoint of love, you hear more of your truth.  The more your truth guides you, the more you transform to your fullest expression of self.

(If you aren’t certain how to listen to your negative feelings from love rather than fear, don’t worry.  I will be filling you in with more details in the upcoming weeks. Just know your negative feelings hold vital energy to fuel your full expression.)

Until then, work on breaking the habit of putting yourself down by replacing those thoughts and actions with those that build yourself up.

Allow this spring of 2012 to be the catalyst to a new you – one which refuses to no longer think negatively about you.  Now how safe does that feel?  Think how differently you would respond to risk, to spreading your wings and sharing more of yourself in service to others.  All you need to do is remember:

•   *  There is more of you your heart wants you to share and you are ready to support this vision to become your reality.

• You have your emotions and thoughts on your side.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              *  Your emotions are the fuel to your intentions!

Now is your time to gather energy from both your positive AND negative feelings (understood from love rather than fear) to ignite yourself out of your comfort zone and into a life that feels fully expressed!

Now let’s hear from you!  What are the strategies you use to build yourself up when your ego wants to judge you instead.  (Remember now is your time to break out of the chrysalis of “your norm” and share more of you!)

See what suggestions others share that feel like a good fit for you.  When you add those suggestions to your emotional fuel – the sky’s the limit!

Here’s to “springing” a fuller expression of you!

With love and appreciation,

 

The Shadow of The Feminine

As many of you already know, 11-11-11, represents an opening, a shift to a new way of living our lives.  In other words, this is a time to live with new and greater consciousness.  This shift in consciousness reiterates that how our world is currently functioning is not working.  We are at a time of transition.  Yet, what does this transition mean and how will it work?

According to Evolving Door Astrology (www.EvolvingDoor.ca), Regulus, a star that symbolizes the age of old patriarchy and male energy domination, is on the cusp of moving into Virgo.  This means we are transitioning to bring forward feminine energy.  As the world has shown, this shift isn’t easy.  There is breaking-down in order to build back up to create what will better serve the highest good.

 

The same type of breakdown is being called within you.  Each and every one of you is being guided to go within and see what actions, thoughts, beliefs and motives are no longer serving you.  As you do, you see how old unconscious patterns aren’t serving you.  Perhaps you consciously focus on bringing in more of the feminine by slowing down and honoring life.  At the same time, you know you have things that need to get done.  That masculine energy pulls on you that you need to serve more or must make money, which means you need to take action and have discipline.

For myself, the feminine and masculine energy has often felt like an internal tug of war.  For a while, I am fine putting my health and joy as a priority.  When I did, less work got done but, I was happier.  Yet, as less work got done, I became stressed about my family’s need for income coming through my work.  Suddenly, my masculine energy was in charge of me, filled with new visions and goals that I had to work hard and strive to meet.

The truth was my ego has gotten a hold of both my masculine and feminine energy.  My ego used the masculine energy as a whip, pulling on my internal dialogue that what I was doing was never enough.  Of course, I was not conscious of this.  Yet as I went in deeper I found my ego working me by saying “You are not good enough! Work harder!  You are not supporting your family!”  I would blindly follow the ego’s instructions and then would get totally burned out.

My feminine energy would be there to save me, telling me to take care of myself.  Yet, even though I thought I was consciously in my feminine energy, I was in my ego’s version.  In my ego’s version of the feminine, it is all about maintaining peace.  My motto was  “I am at peace and my life is an expression of peace.”  Yet this isn’t maintainable either – at least not in my family.  I have kids, husband and work, all of which have their needs and struggles that absolutely collide head on with my peace, no matter how hard I tried.

It wasn’t until I embraced the shadow of the feminine and the duality of all, that I was able to allow myself to more deeply BE.  To BE, is to allow the shadow of the feminine to come through and TRUST!  The shadow of the feminine is breaking down what isn’t working within us and in our lives – the absolute opposite of peace!  This creates feelings such as overwhelm, a sense of loss and a desire to cling onto what you know.  You’ll want to turn to your masculine energy to fix and strive for better or for more.  Yet consciously bringing in the feminine means to allow for the break down and then trust.  BE.  Create the space for what wants to come forward through flow rather than automatically strive to make it better.

Your ego has you believe you get closer to your desires when you strive.  This is the masculine energy that has dominated us and lives deep within all our psyches.  Yet if you look back on your life, you will find that some of your greatest gifts happened when you did not have expectations – perhaps when expectations were even gone.

For me, when I was least expecting a relationship is when I met my husband.  When I was at a low with my career and was ready to give up, is when my first book was birthed.  I was unconscious of the feminine energy at work in those cases.  I was not aware how I was broken down in order to make room for my desires.

Now we are being called to allow her to work through us consciously.  To actually support her to breakdown, let go, and listen.  This is the work of 11-11-11, the opening, the feminine energy that is coming through in the world.  This is our challenge.  Yet the sooner we jump into her shadow, the more we open ourselves to the absolute miracles she brings forward within each of our lives.

Stay attuned to your being-ness and your emotions. They are a gateway, present to support you to make this internal shift.  In doing so, you are more accessible to become part of the miracle making process that is so needed in our world!

With deep love for you, your magnificence and brilliance!

 

 

 

 

The Good Girl Syndrome

Although men can also fall prey to being “too good”,
women are especially prone to falling into the trap of being
“the good girl”. What is interesting about “the good girl
syndrome” is that we can be completely successful in one
area of our life yet in another area we succumb to being the
good girl. In other words, the good girl is not about being a
people pleaser or doormat; it is much more subtle. This is
why so many people find themselves stuck because they are
trying to remain the good girl.
The adult version of the good girl syndrome includes the
following:

(1) when we say yes when we really want to say
no;

(2) when our feelings get hurt yet we do not say a word;
or

(3) we completely disagree but we go along with it
anyway.

The good girl syndrome is interesting because it is
what women in particular fall back to when they do not know
their value in a relationship. For instance, maybe they have a

great marriage yet they question their worth when it comes to

their career. Perhaps it is the other way around where they

have been greatly successful in their career yet they struggle
with intimate relationships.

In those cases we are not certain of our worth, so we turn
to others to have our worth validated. In order to receive that
validation, we try to be the good girl. Why would we not?
After all that is what we learned to do as children. We were
told to get along and do not make waves in order to make
those around us happier. Our rational minds bought into that
if we can make others happy, we will be more liked, loved or
admired.
Yet the good girl is not able to be truly happy if she is
always stifling her essence. The good girl is not allowed to
simply be. If we cannot be ourselves, there is no way we will
ever feel true happiness let alone get what our hearts’ truly
desire. The truth of what we desire is masked by goodness of
the good girl, and will forever stay that way until we are
willing to share our true selves.
If you find yourself in a rut in a certain area of your life
or continue to struggle with a certain person, examine if you
have fallen victim of the good girl syndrome. Look at the
difference between those areas of our lives in which we
intrinsically know the value we bring versus this aspect in
which we feel stuck. Notice the lack of certainty you have
about you. Once you have a sense of certainty about who you
are in all areas of your life, there will be no need to be the
good girl. Your intrinsic goodness will shine through regardless
if you disagree or disappoint another because you will
know with certainty the truth of your essence. This can only
occur by listening to your feelings and being willing to form
boundaries in your life.

Excerpt from Emotional Abundance: Become Empowered

www.EmotionalAbundance.com

Caring = Expansiveness!

Let me start off by acknowledging that I know you are a caring person.  You are probably saying “Michelle, how can you know this if we haven’t met in person?” Simple – You are a caring person because you are a part of this community, one that focuses on how to consciously evolve.  Trust me, this only interests caring people!

As a caring person myself, I also recognize it can feel challenging at times to demonstrate how much you care.  Last week for instance, I wasn’t as attuned to my kids as I would have liked to be.  Normally, when they come home from school, I put my focus solely on them, their day, and their responsibilities that they need to take care of.  Much of last week, I just wasn’t there.  The idea of trying to multi-task with all my kids’ homework, while creating a nutritious home-cooked meal was too much.  Instead, I just wanted to cook in peace, which left me acting somewhat short with them.  Quite honestly, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having those moments.  We are human and have limitations are at times.

Besides knowing your limitations, it is also important to realize how expansive you can be when it comes to caring.  I am sure you know what it feels like to be moved by an experience that you feel so open and waves upon waves of love run through you.  I was fortunate enough to attend an event on Saturday that was led by my friend and colleague Dr. Mollie Marti of www.BestLifeDesign.com .  At that amazing event, I was awoken to remember to expand my sense of caring.  You see, it isn’t that I didn’t know about caring previously.  People and experiences are placed in our lives to support us to remember at a deeper level.  When you are attuned to your feelings, you will feel touched when you hear something that you are supposed to remember.  Then you must decide if you are going to act on how you feel or rationalize your way out of expanding.

Of course, you know that caring matters, but is there a way that it could be amped up? For me the answer was/is yes!  I am not just talking about my kids either, because not completely focusing on them is the exception rather than the rule.  I am talking about expanding yourself to care in ways that go beyond your norm.

By challenging yourself in a way that is not your typical – perhaps even makes you feel uncomfortable, you will tap into expansive energy within you.  From this energy you feel and believe that anything is possible because it is.  Think about for a minute what is important to you and then think about what prevents you from putting more of your energy toward that.  We each have gifts to share, whether it is time, money, talent, or love.  Which of those makes you the most uncomfortable to share?  Which do you have a block or an excuse?  We must remember we are all wealthy beyond measure with treasures in our life.  The more you can acknowledge that by being willing to show you care by giving of your treasure (especially that which your mind has you believe is the scarcest), the more you will experience expansiveness in your life.  This is when the love within you expands beyond measure.

To experience the depths of expansion, you must be certain you have enough inner fuel to give.  Each and every day, how will you celebrate your existence? What brings you joy? When you give to yourself in this manner, you declare you matter.  When you know you matter, you know you have gifts to give and that it is your responsibility to share them.  That is what being a good steward of yourself and others is.

I also want to say that I hope you know that I care about you.  I know you have your own hopes, dreams, gifts and love to share.  I am honored that you have remained connected with me to give you authentic guidance toward claiming what’s in your heart.  Without you in my life, my passion would have no place to be shared.  I honor you for being willing to explore with me that which is often ignored or forgotten in order to live more expansively and fulfilled!

Continue to be touched by your emotions, as your feelings are always guiding you as to how you can expand.  Listen through the vehicle of love, so you can answer your personal calling of how you can share yourself with the world! It really is these simple, yet profound steps that allow you to feel filled with a love of life and everyone in it!

With Love,

You’ve Got to Get Dirty to Spring Clean Your Life!

I must admit, March is one of my least favorite months.  Here in Wisconsin, the weather isn’t quite as warm as I would like, days are gloomy and all I see around me is a lot of mud.  My twin boys attend a nature preschool, where they take long hikes and play outside for a good part of their day.  Their clothes come back filthy, which always guarantees another load of laundry for me to do. It would be easy to say to myself,  “Michelle, you just need to get out of here and get some sun.”  Luckily, I know that if I just looked at my feelings on a surface level, I would be blowing off a huge opportunity. 

As many of you have heard me share before, nature is a great teacher and this certainly applies to March.  Prior to spring, we are in more darkness than light.  What many are not aware of is how much our well-being imitates nature.  During those darker hours, we are being given a prime opportunity to look into the darkness of the shadows of our being.  By bringing our emotional shadows into our awareness, we shed light on that which we once feared. 

For me it is like clockwork ….when March comes I know I am being asked to get dirty.  Unlike my kids, my getting dirty is about shining light on that which I would rather ignore by attending to messages of my ego.  Let’s face it, in the short-term, blowing off these messages is just easier.  After all, life still feels good.  Why not just go with that?  Well, the reason why I don’t is because I know how to F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love™.

The concept of F.E.E.L™ is a shift in consciousness toward understanding our emotional well-being.  This emotional consciousness shift allows me to see beyond the limited understanding of our feelings that are based upon the ego.  In doing so, rather than go on with life feeling 85% good and 15% off, I consciously choose to bring up that 15% and see what that is all about.  Rather than stay with the surface of the situation ( in my case the weather) there is so much rich opportunity to discover what is really going on within me. 

Think about what you have to do prior to you planting seeds.  You have to clear the surface and dig up underneath.  You want that soil to be turned, shed light on that which has been buried and give it some air.  The same needs to happen within us.  And just like nature if you properly attend to the soil in which you plant your seeds, you will reap the rewards later!

So how do you begin?  First of all you have to trust yourself that you can handle the feeling underneath the surface of you.  You may avoid your feelings altogether because you have had negative experiences when an uncomfortable feeling is brought into your awareness.  There is a difference, however, when you consciously choose to bring up a negative feeling which is you are still in control.  When a feeling bursts out from you, you are in a reactionary state.  By consciously bringing an uncomfortable feeling into your awareness you can differentiate in your mind the messages that come with it that are from the ego (which will be deflating to you) and those that come from love ( which will support you to move forward with creating your ideal life!)  Having that information is priceless!  Now instead of 15 % struggling (or whatever that percentage is for you), you have clarity about what you need to do.  You also have experienced more of your power as you now have reclaimed 15% more of your energy and attention that can go toward fulfilling your life’s purpose and passions!

So before spring is sprung, I encourage you to allow yourself to get a little dirty this spring.  As you do, commend yourself for being willing to do what that vast majority won’t.  You are choosing an enlightened path which takes much courage. 

I just started with a new client this week and before we started she said, “I am ready to get dirty!” and I just had to laugh.   Boy was she right and the rewards she is already reaping from just one session will forever change her life.  Remind yourself that you too are worth it to F.E.E.L: Feel Every Emotion as Love!

Happy Digging!

Michelle

The Antidote to Feeling Stressed Out!

New Amazing Project I Am Working On = Increase In Stress

Find Out My Shift in Perspective that is Supporting Me Immensely!

I am having a serious struggle right now not to reveal to you what I am working on but I don’t want to ruin the surprise.  All I can say is that it is going to offer you amazing support to consciously grow and I am giving it to you for FREE!  Okay, that is it.  I cannot reveal anymore now.

What I do what to share with you is a couple of ways that are really working to support me during a time that has increased stress.  I am sure you too have had those periods in your life when something happens that could be good, challenging or both, which adds more to your already full plate.  My plate, like so many of yours, is already filled with raising three kids, running a business and maintaining my household as well as a sense of balance.  Now added to that mix are details and deadlines that I have to attend to in addition to those other wonderful aspects of my life that need my attention.

So what am I doing to handle the increase in stressful situations?  I prepare for my stress.  I don’t try to think positively and pretend it doesn’t exist.  No, instead I affirm that I have an increase of responsibilities and think about how I am going to take care of myself given this truth to my reality.  I have always been big on nurturing myself but now I make sure to give myself at least 20 minutes during my work day to take a break. 

Yes, during a time when I have more to do, I am taking more breaks.  Why?  I need those breaks because when I am working, I need to be super efficient.  I need to give my mind a book, a walk in nature or time to stare out the window in order that it can let go of the details and just be.  My morning meditation is not enough to sustain my spirit all day otherwise.

I am also an observer to my process.  I watch my language and stories regarding this time.  Care is put toward being real about what I have to do while not going into a victim or martyr mentality about this time.  The truth is that this period, which is challenging me, is also an immense gift.  I truly believe how I handle this demonstrates whether I can handle the added responsibility that sometimes comes with bigger gifts.  Am I going to lose my true essence and forgo nurturing by over identifying myself with this project?  Or am I going to claim my truth worth each day by continuing to nourish and care for my spirit because I know my essence is my authentic expression? 

The truth is that sometimes I find myself leaning toward the end of the continuum that is exhaustion.  I don’t go there but my mind at times wants to take me there when the details start to feel overwhelming.  That is my cue to stop, take a break and then listen to where I am truly being guided to put my energy. 

Being the observer of myself through this process has allowed me to stay feeling greater balance and joy in the process than I expected. As I integrate these ways of approaching this very full time in my life, I feel proud of myself.  I am proud of myself not for what I do each day but for who I am. 

None of us will get a true sense of fulfillment based upon how much we get done on our to-do lists.  You feel fulfilled when you are living in alignment with your true essence.  Even when you are being called to give of your energy in a certain way, know that it doesn’t equate to losing yourself in the process. 

 I feel grateful to have found these ways to live feeling a deep fulfillment and commitment to my life’s purpose and work.  I hope that you may also apply these to your life when those periods of increase stress and responsibility pop up.  Whether challenging or exhilarating, these times are meant to shift us to more fully own our true power.  It is just a matter of finding your way to claim it!

 Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

Finding Your Sweet Spot – In Meditation that Is!

Come on admit it, when you first saw the words “sweet spot” did your mind immedicately go to sex?  (Okay, mine did!)  Here is the gift in having both psychotherapy training and life coaching.  I can talk about very personal points while addressing the spiritual.  This is what I came up with:  I believe there are some great comparisons to finding your sexual sweet spot and your meditative one.  Because I believe it is more challenging to find your meditative sweet spot, that is where I am going to keep my focus!

First, you may be wondering what I mean by your sweet spot when it comes to mediation.  Your meditative sweet spot is where you are flowing in some zone that simultaneously has no feeling yet, feels extremely good.  For me, my meditative sweet spot also feels like home.  To find it, there are some similarities to finding your sexual sweet spot as well as your meditative one.  Here they are:

1) The more you practice, the easier you find it

2) You can’t just jump into your sweet spot, it takes patience

3) You need to be in the present moment

Although my meditative sweet spot can be more allusive, it is worth the patience and practice.  Sometimes, I can ride the energetic wave that I am on and sometimes my mind and/or feelings distract me.  More often than not the later is the case.  Nevertheless, not being in my meditative zone does not mean that the mediation was ineffective.  Just quieting myself, even if I only last 5 minutes, does wonders.  It also affirms my commitment to connecting with my spiritual self.  Allow yourself to learn to ride the meditative wave.  Watch it build and then you will find your sweet spot as well!

Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

What to do when your feelings are rejected?

When I work with couples, especially, I see how easily it is for one or both people to feel like his/her feelings have been rejected.  Have you ever felt like you have shared something personal only to find another’s reaction to be less than supportive?  What happens is that you share a feeling or pain that is so vulnerable to you, yet because that other person is in her/his own world of pain, she/he cannot be present with you.

Recently, I experienced the rejection and judgment of another after I posted my blog “Not my finest moment.”  The comment was something like “You cry baby pain in the *&%^#, try living in Afghanistan and you will really have something to be in pain about.”

The comment wasn’t quite that nice as stated above, but you get the picture.  My knee-jerk reaction caused me to delete the comment.  Immediately after, I was sorry I did because there was an opportunity to learn and grow from each other.

I reacted the way I did out of my own shame.  For a moment, I thought that person was right, as I have no conceptualization of what their pain feels like.   Although this is true, it is also true that everyone’s pain is relative and dependent on their unique circumstances.  Unfortunately, I have seen too many people suffer with their own pain due to their own belittling of how they feel or someone else belittling their feelings.

For so long, I told myself that I had no right to feel the way I did because in most every respect, I had been dealt a good life.  What I learned to do was deny how I felt and tried to put a smile on my face.  But facts are facts and the fact was at one point in my life I was really sad.  Day after day I carried the weight of how I felt inside me because I was too ashamed to admit how I really felt.  Finally, I couldn’t carry the weight alone any longer.  That is when I realized that even though I have had a good life in many ways doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to feel the way I do.

Others, who are in their own pain, will not agree that you have the right to be in yours.  Their pain is so overwhelming they cannot even see you for you.  There is no way to connect.  The truth is they cannot even see their true sense of self because their pain has overtaken their conceptualization of self.

This is when you have two very important decisions.  One is not to dismiss your pain out of shame.  By knowing you do not need to justify to anyone how you feel, you are able to use your feelings to propel you, rather than weigh you down.  The second choice is to have compassion for their pain.  You have the ability to connect with them through energetic compassion because you both have known pain, no matter how different the pain may look.  It is then that you have the opportunity to model how to transform pain into power.

I am sorry I lost a friend in Afghanistan but even more regretful that I didn’t take the opportunity of how she/he could transform her/his anger into power.  Rather than utilizing her anger from an ego level, there is another opportunity to use that same voice to inform.  That same voice that criticized could also be the voice that shares greater understanding of the emotional, physical and mental toll it takes on someone to live in a war-torn country or to live feeling oppressed.

The bottom line is that when another lacks compassion for you, it is a great opportunity for growth for everyone involved.  Don’t take the rejection personally.  The reaction you are getting is really about the other person’s own rejection of their authentic self.

Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

The Deeper Meaning to the Fall Equinox

The fall equinox is on Sept 22^nd this year.  Although the equinox is most noted for being the time of year when daylight and night hours are equal in length, there is deeper significance.  The fall equinox, in particular, is a time to celebrate the abundance that we have in our lives.

As we enter fall, we have the opportunity to celebrate as our ancestors once did.  Created from the seeds planted earlier in the year that you care and nurtured is now a bounty for you to enjoy.   The fall equinox is a time for gratitude and celebration of your bounty.

You all have abundance and I would love to hear about it!  Please share ways in which you feel abundance and/or gratitude in your life in honor of this special time of year.