At one point in your life, I am sure you have felt jaded NAME haven’t you? It could have been about money, love, food, or even around getting support. You only become jaded after experiencing a wound, sometimes repeatedly, in the same area of your life.
Being jaded isn’t all that bad. In one sense the feeling is trying to protect you from being hurt again. What doesn’t work about being jaded is that a lens is created in how you view the world that actually reiterates your fear over and over again. The jaded lens only allows you to provide yourself with proof that your fear is correct.
In my latest webinar, The 3 Secrets to Your Ideal Relationship, I shared a part of my relationship story, including the previous heartbreak I had. What I knew I had going for me, at the time, was that the heartache I experienced didn’t make me feel jaded toward men or relationships. Even though there was many around me who felt jaded about long-term relationships or relationships in general, I refused to believe in that perspective.
That is when the feedback starting coming in with people confessing to me “Michelle, I am afraid I AM jaded.“
The 3 Secrets event opened many to see mistrust and even jaded feelings they had about their current relationship that they weren’t even aware they had.
They didn’t know that they mistrusted that:
>> Their needs could be truly met.
>> Their partner could be their ideal.
>> The support they desired to get, would actually help them change their life.
Each person went on to assure me that they were not negative people by any means. It’s just that the webinar helped them see that even with all the inner work they have done, they can now see a layer of mistrust when it comes to them being able to receive what it is their hearts truly desired.
What I know is…
When mistrust gets triggered,
there is a golden opportunity to create healing in that area of your life.
What you can do when you realize you feel mistrust or jaded:
- Give gratitude for this feeling, it is after all trying to protect you.
- Recall the ways the feeling has impacted your actions to withdrawal, pull back, or flat out stop you.
- Although those type of actions have kept you feeling safe, is it true that feeling mistrust/jaded is keeping you away from pain? (In other words, is there now a different pain that is created from your sense of mistrust?)
- Ask yourself if mistrust is getting you what you want.
- What different action could you take to get what you want?
The ego version of your negative feelings is always there to try to keep you safe. You will remain stuck when you buy into that illusion of safety.
Fear creates an illusion of safety that tells you “See, I am keeping you away from experiencing a re-wounding. I’m good for you. It’s not safe to move forward”
Yet, what fear doesn’t tell you is that a false safety always causes a deeper pain. This deeper pain is the reality that you will never have what your heart desires if you don’t allow yourself to move toward your heart’s desires.
You are the cause to every effect in your life and you do have the power to change your effect. It will simply mean taking a different action than what you’re used to taking.
Feeling mistrust or jaded is an opportunity to combine the wisdom from what you have learned from past experiences (that didn’t go as you had hoped), along with fresh insight, perspective, and tools to be able to make an effective change or transformation.
The gift in these feelings is that this is where the gold is for your next area of growth. Once you realize that the safety provided by the fear isn’t really keeping you away from pain OR supporting you to get what you want, you’ll see that these feelings are actually here to support you to say YES to more of you!
Please share your comments below about what you have done to work though feeling jaded or mistrusting. What happened for you as you did the above exercise? When you share how you have learned to trust yourself, you give others the courage to gain deeper trust too!
Remember, under the jadedness, is the jade: the jewel of what you are able to reap from digging deep into your emotions!
PS: If you have mistrust around love, money, or support, this is all about you not trusting you can have your needs met. I teach you how to receive your needs in your relationship (which impacts how you receive in other areas of your life as well) in The Art of Sacred Relationships Program. To find out more, go to: http://mbersell.wpengine.com/SacredRelationships/