How to Gain Greater Inner Confidence

02 Mar 2011, by michelle in personal development, self-care, Stress

I have the ability to appear confident when inside, I don’t feel that way.  It sounds like a good thing, but is it?  The period in my life in which people commented the most about how self-confident I was, was actually a time in my life that I felt the most insecure.  Here lies the problem – when you are trying to project the image of confidence, you don’t feel it inside you.  In fact, whatever you are trying to project about yourself comes from a place of lack within you.  On the other hand, when you truly feel confident, you don’t worry about projecting confidence.  You feel confident and that is all that matters to you.  Energetically, this makes a world of difference as to how well you are able to make deeper, richer and more meaningful connections in the world.

So, today’s tips are not about how to fake confidence but to really gain inner confidence.  Inner confidence allows energy to flow from you.  The result is you authentically feel good about who you are and the gifts you bring to the world through your presence, without even trying!

get what you want photo4 Steps to Gain Greater Inner Confidence:

1. Take risks – Be willing to do things you aren’t good at, where you lack skill and where you have the opportunity to learn.  That is after all what expansion is all about and what your spirit really enjoys experiencing.  It is a part of living that leads to exhilarating moments that make you feel alive.  Ego worries about messing up or being perfect, shut you down, make life boring & predictable and not fun =(

2. Don’t judge or compare yourself to others.  Judgment is ego based.  We all have to start building up a skill.  Image if you saw a baby learning to take her/his first steps and you were critiquing the kid on not doing it right or well.  Keep this image with you as you take your next step toward your heart’s desire.  Remember notions such as  “ I should know how to do this by myself” or “This should be easier” are ego messages.

3. Don’t try to project something that you are not feeling: This is an advanced step to take when you want to truly live emotionally conscious and authentic.  Your tendency is to pull out the false self when you feel fear.  We all do it.  Instead, allow yourself to be who you are in that moment.

One of my long-time mentors is Sonia Choquette.   I remember a story she shared a long time ago.  She was doing a presentation in front of business people, which were typically not the type of people interested in having a psychic speak.  She started off by saying to them “You scare me.” In turn they responded, “You scare us!”  They shared a big laugh and most importantly Sonia’s willingness to be authentic allowed them to connect.  If she would have pretended to be confident, the energy would have been much different.  The reason is because there would have been unconscious defensiveness that would have inhibited the relationship formed, as well as the degree participants were able to receive Sonia’s guidance.

4. Honor what you authentically have got going for you: Another advanced step is to set aside what you feel you lack and focus in on that which you are authentically feeling that feels supportive.  Maybe you aren’t feeling confident, but you feel excited or perhaps more attuned to others, even humble.  Honor the gift this feeling brings forward within you and the uniqueness of the connection it offers.

What these steps do is provide you with ways to authentically gain inner confidence.  What you are doing through these steps is choosing your essence/authentic self over your fears and ego blocks.  The more you do, the more inner confidence you generate, the better you feel and connections are made easier and effortlessly!

Living Emotionally Conscious & Exceptionally Well Together,


  • Thank you, Michelle, for your great ideas. It really is much better to be genuine than to fake it. Sometimes, it just seems that we are pressured into appearances that don’t really help us and end up slowing us down along the way. It is always much better to be authentic and real, even when it is scary. I will keep this in mind for the future!

    • You’ve got it Jenny! It absolutely feels scary in certain circumstances to be authentic. That is exactly it, which is exactly why it is opportunity to add another layer of approval to our sense of self. So glad you are applying emotional consciousness AND that we are connected!!!

  • I absolutely love this article! It actually hurts us when we do not simply allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling, and I for one am letting go of the old need to pretend everything is fine when sometimes it is not! Thank you Michelle!

    • I love that you point out Astra how it does hurt us in the end. Glad you liked the article and thanks so much for sharing!!

  • Yes, of course!! I have to admit my stand before I can make a move. If am low, let me sit and know the course to take to finish that feeling and start the upward journey with CONFIDENCE. Thanks Michelle for this sharing.

    • Excellent Judy – you’ve got it! So glad you are a part of this community. Thanks for sharing!