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I hate myself

I am ugly – repulsive really

I am boring – so f*cking boring

Did I say I hate myself – yes, because…

I am so lazy – F*cking lazy, still in my pj’s and ranting rather than doing my real work.

I suck.

I am boring.

I suck.

I am boring.

Now I start to laugh, a small chuckle.

Come on ego is that it? Is that all you got?

“You are a Fraud,” my ego tells me.

“I know,” I reply.

I know I try to hide these aspects of myself.

I don’t want others to know the self-hatred is STILL there.

Ahh, and there it is RELIEF! No more hiding.

Suddenly, I feel an internal rush. I am overcome with, (you won’t believe this), SELF-LOVE!  

YES!  Underneath any layer of shame, judgment, or self-hatred is of course even more freakin’ LOVE!

Here’s the thing: When your ego gets worked up –

Honey, you are on the verge of a BREAKTHROUGH! 

This is why, while I don’t love what my ego was telling me when it’s try to squash, I mean protect me – I know I am being guided to even GREATER LOVE!

And I absolutely love the power that I felt racing within me when my ego, who was trying to control me, becomes more fully exposed.

Our egos don’t want you or I to go through being judged by others for showing all aspects of ourselves.  It wants you and I to hide those less than shiny sides.

I get it, me exposing this side of me will scare the crap out of some people.  But then they won’t be the people to be aligned to do this inner work at this time.

When you are ready to do this internal work, you may be scared of your ego, just like I initially am, when it flares up in such a hostile manner.  Yet, deep down you’ll know it is worth bringing to the surface.  You will know it is worth doing because you will be experiencing either negative feelings or a sense of dissatisfaction that will tell you, this is your time to go deeper within.

This is your signal that you are ready for a breakthrough!

Being able to hear your ego’s racket every so often is a great sign for two reasons.  One, you being able to hear your ego every so often means you aren’t drowning out it’s noise with food, alcohol, drugs, work, drama etc… Second, you being able to hear your ego means you are challenging yourself to stop hiding, get outside your comfort zone, and explore more of your potential!

The truth is, as painful as our ego can be, you don’t want to get rid of your ego.  It is here to protect you until you are ready to do this intense work.  The gift is, when you are ready to see your ego in this manner, you’ll feel your courage wash over you, as more of the truth of who you truly are is reveal and reintegrated into you.

When I decided I was going to look at my ego square on, I thought my ego was going to go on endlessly for hours, maybe days.  The reality was, greater love was revealed in less than five minutes.  More importantly, a core shift occurred through this revealing, that will not allow the same type of hiding to continue to occur.

Here is your power: Get your ego out of your head and put it on paper.  Start to see how your ego doesn’t makes sense.  In just a few minutes, you’ll start to see how boring your ego is too.

When I saw me ego in action, I laughed to myself, even though my ego was stating some pretty mean things.  Yet, as soon as I saw what the ego was trying to hide and stopped buying into the shame, I was FREE!  And this lead to some serious happy dancing!

The ego’s power over you remains when you try to resist those aspects of yourself that you shame.

I invite you to join me in putting an end to your unconscious or conscious shame by joining me in my Big Breakthrough Forum.  (Find out more about it here.)

This is your opportunity to decide what is your best way to learn about greater love.  Are you best learning that love comes through only some aspects of self and life that are considered good?  Or do you want to learn about love from someone who sees love in the darkness, hatred, and shame?

I am a teacher that is not afraid of doing the spiritual work on our human aspects of self.  It is our human aspects that help us delve more deeply into our own Divine Selves. I don’t mess around with this because this is SOUL WORK.  This is the inner piece you need to be working on for your soul to feel FED, JUICY, & ALIVE!

I believe it is for this reason that other healers and teachers have come to me to do this last inner piece, even though they already help others significantly.  The truth is the more you radically bring love to you, the more of you that you have to give.

That ego balking is just to show you and I where there is even more love within us waiting to be revealed and shared.  What we want is for this revealing to be an ongoing process because then more of your joy, gifts, and ways to serve continue to deepen within you.

I hope you join me, because space is small to do this intensive work.

Find out more about getting in depth in this process here:

http://mbersell.wpengine.com/feel/

Here’s to you shining more brightly, as your dark side becomes exposed, loved, seen in it’s full truth, and then reintegrated as an integral aspect of you that no longer needs to hide!

With Massive Love,