Why Healthy Boundaries Lead to Greater Happiness!

Boundaries are not about having a brick wall (or some other block you cannot penetrate) around you.  Healthy boundaries simply allow you to filter out what isn’t for your highest good.  In any type of relationship whether familial, marital or friendship you want to have healthy boundaries in order to ensure the following:

A)    Mutual Respect

B)    Trust

C)     Connection

Having these components in a relationship allow you to be able to work through any disagreement.  More importantly, having great relationships allows you to continue to flourish, see the gifts within you reflected through another and grow as an individual.   Your relationships can be an energy drain or a source of replenishment  to support you to remember the full truth of your potential!

When I was on Fox, I spoke of some deal breakers (to see interviews go to http://www.michellebersell.com/html/video07.html ).  What we didn’t have time to go into was in any relationship how a breach of trust without remorse AND being willing to do something different is truly reason to move on.   This can happen with infidelity as well as with irresponsible financial decisions in a marriage.  In friendships, trust can be broken as well through something as life consuming as a drug problem or as basic as gossip.  In these cases, you have to know your limitations in that you cannot change others, yet you can make decisions to change your circumstances.

To create healthy boundaries you must a) know what feels good and right versus bad/off and wrong to you  b)  be willing to express your feelings to others  and c)stay firm in your convictions by not becoming attached to others reactions

Creating healthy boundaries in the short-term can certainly be challenging.  In the long-term, however, you are setting yourself up to have ideal circumstances to feel the joy of life in the company of others who are a true reflection of love!

Happy Relating & Boundary Creating!

Support for the Busy, Depleted Woman who Wants to Evolve

Hi Michelle,  I am a married mom of 2.  It’s been about a year and half that I started my spiritual journey.  I feel I am going at such a slow pace though.  It seems so desperately slow.  I am the sole supporter of my family………..I work 10 hour days, 4 days a week.  And when I’m home I feel I am so busy with errands, appointments, kids, etc.  I have no time for myself, for my spirit.  Funds are scarce so I cannot sign up for any of the wonderful spiritual events I come across.  I do not feel my husband is very supportive, but then again maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s just my ego.  I wish I had an answer………….Maybe you can help me. I know I need to work on myself, I just don’t know how.  Thank you.

In love and light, Evelyn

Hi Evelyn,

Thank you for sharing your story.  With having 3 kids in the span of 18 months, I very much understand your dilemma.  I also know from experience there are absolute measures you can take now.  I’ll give you two to begin with:

1.    Shift Your Power Back to You! When people write in for support, I often share that there is a victim lurking in their story.  You too have been caught by your ego but don’t worry, we all go there!  With every victim story, it isn’t that you don’t have justification for feeling like you do.  The problem is that from the victim standpoint you don’t have power.  The truth is you do have power.

The easiest step I ever took was putting myself at the top of the list.  It really is simple.  You write your normal “to-do” list out and you put your own need/desire first.  When you implement this you will find two things.

A.   You have the tendency to get more done than you normally would because you are happier, more present, and less stressed.

B.   Whatever you don’t get done won’t seem that important.

Doing this simple step will change your life because your actions state that you matter!

2.    Listen, Honor and Act on Your F.E.E.L.ings!  Although you don’t share your emotions in your story, I can sense how you feel.  I sense frustration and resentment toward your husband and all the responsibilities you carry.  I sense you feel alone and lost – leading you to feel sad that you aren’t able to move forward with your life as you would like.

I have GREAT news for you, because your feelings are present to guide you through this situation.  What this means is that how you are feeling is spot-on accurate, when you shift your understanding of your emotions from the emotional stone-ages to F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love! When you learn how to F.E.E.L., you understand that your frustration is due to you doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

If you listen to your frustration you will hear two stories.  One is the ego’s story, the other is coming from your essence.  Your ego’s story will keep you stuck blaming your husband and focusing in on his short-comings.  When you listen to your essence ( this is your true self, which has innate wisdom), you will find your frustration is wanting you to notice there is another victim story.

You are catching onto this because you suggest that your ego is involved.  It isn’t that you are wrong about your husband not supporting you.  If that is how you feel, you are correct.  Where your ego comes into play is in not being able to see how you set up your relationship to be this way.  Your frustration is telling you there is a new way to relate to your husband to create true intimacy and partnership. Your first step is to share how you are feeling with your husband from the place of love, inner knowingness and power toward yourself.  This will come across much differently than what our egos have us do which is whine, nag or walk away.

If you aren’t sure how to act on your frustration through love, consider investing in the F.E.E.L. Virtual Mastery Program.  Investing in yourself will shift your sense of abundance because you are claiming your worth.  The bottom line is to get affordable support because having a life that feels filled with love, joy and fulfillment is worth it!  Go to http://www.michellebersell.com/feel/ for more information.

Your sense of feeling stuck Evelyn is to let you know that you have to get out of the ego and make changes that support your essence.  Now is the time.  Don’t give up on you!

I wish you emotional abundance as you move forward on your journey!

Need a little more R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

One reader wrote in the following:

Hello, Michelle:

(My letter must remain anonymous.)

My problem is I feel I am controlled and “bullied” by so many people in my life. I feel as if I do what my spouse wants, my close friends, etc., b/c of the way they co erce me into doing things for them. I have wondered if I misinterpret their assertiveness as bullying…but it feels like I am forced to do what they want, or they are angry with me.

Some examples: if I don’t spend our house money on what my husband would like, then he doesn’t speak to me for days. If I don’t pick up my friend’s children when she needs a favor, then she won’t call me until I call her. If I don’t drive to see my friend 7 hours away, then she’ll tell me I never have time for her, and will be curt with me the next time I do call her.

The list goes on and on…all this giving from me, and it feels like I never get.

What is this? Is everyone ‘s life full of people like this???

Thank you.

A.

Dear A.,

You are absolutely correct, you are being controlled.  Yet, to have someone control you, they have something you need.  That is how control works.  What you need is their approval and acceptance of you.  Because you need this from others, you give your power away in relationships.  You give your power away because you are deeply tied to how others react to you.

It is common to turn to others to get approval and acceptance when you don’t give it to yourself.  The fact that you are being mistreated by close people in your life is a wake-up call.  You see, every time you dismiss your needs in a relationship, you further distance yourself from your Spirit/Authentic Self/Essence.  The more distant you are from your Essence, the more you need to rely on others to validate you.

I can tell this distance already exists because you are not tapping into your feelings, rather your focus is on other people’s feelings toward you.  (Notice in the letter above you don’t share how you feel, just others). To regain your connection to your Spirit, you need to remember to F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love rather than feel.

When you “feel” from the emotional stone-ages, you are going to feel angry, sad and frustrated that others are treating you this way.  You are going to feel like the victim and feel powerless.  You cry, mope, whine, maybe even act passive-aggressive at times because your ego is telling you that there is nothing you can do.  It is the other person’s fault they are so mean, disrespectful, inconsiderate etc…

When you F.E.E.L., you still feel anger, sadness and frustration yet you realize those feelings are present to serve and support you to grow in order that you can create a fulfilling life that you deserve.

• Your frustration is present for you to recognize that how you are going about handling your relationships is no longer working.  Maybe it used to work for you in the short-term to feel validated by others by doing whatever they want but you are to painfully aware of how this is limiting you now.  It is time to take different action.
• Your sadness is present to support you to get clear about what that action should be. In your case, your Essence is begging you to begin to validate your choices regardless of how others react. Your Spirit is also desires clarity around how you receive love from you.
• Your anger will be present to support you to own your power and take action to support your Essence to evolve.  Your Spirit is angry that your ego wins.  Honor your eternal fire when it ignites to serve rather than hinder you.  Your Essence knows that you deserve people in your life who honor you and make you feel good.  Why don’t you believe it?  Why are you willing to allow others to treat you this way?  Your anger will be present supporting you to claim “ No Longer Will I Allow This – I DESERVE BETTER!”

There is so much more that is awaiting you A.  Use the F.E.E.L. process to guide you to take those next steps.  There is so much more that I know your Essence is trying to communicate with you.  Listen to your emotions through the voice of love and you will find your way!

Wishing you the love and honor you deserve in your relationships, always!

5 Ways to Create Greater Inner Peace

Finding an inner sense of peace can sometimes feel elusive. When stress or imbalance show up, apply one of these strategies that gets to the heart of the matter and witness the flow of peace to enter you!

1. Detect the needs of your ego: Your ego likes external ways of defining when you will be happy or fulfilled.  Rather than buying into the “I’ll be happy when “syndrome, recognize the lies of your ego presented to you through your fears.  Chose one action that would bring you a sense of fulfillment in the present moment and witness peacefulness fill you.

2. Let go of expectation: When you set up expectations in your mind, you unintentionally limit yourself.  The potential that exists in any given moment is beyond what your expectations can imagine.  When you let go of expectation, you feel at peace because you know your experience is always opportunity!

3. Take action: I know it may sound counter-intuitive, yet if you feel stressed or anxious, it is often because you are procrastinating taking action on your next step that will bring you a greater sense of fulfillment toward life.  This happens when you buy into fears more than your internal guidance.  Rather than looking at the big picture, think what one small step can I take that will bring me greater peace.

4. Be compassionate & loving toward current self – When you don’t feel at peace, you are going to be judging & comparing yourself.  How is this serving you? Not so good, I am sure!  List the ways you can look at your circumstances with greater love and compassion to tap into your inner truth and peace.

5. Choose a flow state over rational mind: The shoulds and responsibilities in life tend to overpower what your essence really craves.  Determine to put the needs of your essence first for a day, an hour or a week.  Take note of how more peaceful you feel when you become the priority and the important stuff still gets done.

Wishing you the inner sense of peace that brings you a sense of calm and inner knowing that allows you to live with greater ease!

The KEY to find and/or elevate your PASSION toward life!

I often work with people supporting them to find their passion.   They are frustrated not living a life that feels fulfilling and are ready to take action.  Action, however, is not the answer. In fact action can be your ego’s way of keeping you away from what really needs to done to find or elevate your passion, which is taking a step away from action.

Taking a step away from action is a way to maintain or create healthy boundaries around your daily responsibilities.   Doing so protects your essence from those messages of your ego and rational mind that tells you more is required of you.  Your essence needs this type of protection with boundaries, so you have the freedom of non-doing.

Non-doing is what I consider going within.  When you “go within,” you aren’t going anywhere.  You are becoming aware of what already exists within and around you at all times.  Simply stated, you are “doing” minimal.

I believe there are times when we are called to “do” minimal, as much as we are called to give of ourselves to our maximum abilities.   Although your ego will have you believe that you are not accomplishing in your minimal moments, I believe those minimal periods are prime with spiritual growth and opportunity.

Your passions become clearer and more energized.  You are even more attuned to your inner wisdom and guidance.  You are being called to clear out what energetically is no longer needed.

Your inner process will not be deemed by others (or your ego for that matter) as accomplishing much.  Energetically, however, you are setting yourself up to take that important next step that will guide you toward even greater fulfillment and passion toward life!

To get there, you must overcome the block of your ego, which can be uncovered through these questions:

• Do you hear your essence when it is calling you to do minimal or are you going at such a fast pace, you can’t even hear the call?
• Or is it that even when you do hear that call for minimal, you instead decide to push yourself to keep going at a maximum pace?
• Does the idea of going for minimal seem impossible given your responsibilities?
• What are the countless ways you create activity in order to prevent yourself from going toward minimal and what is the real fear you are avoiding?

Your ego is going to make the idea of minimal seem as if you are completely walking away from your responsibilities.  This simply isn’t the truth.  Your ego wants you to view minimal in very black and white terms in order to keep you in your fear mode.  When you live based on any of the fear mentioned above, you are taking away your fullest expression of living a fulfilled and passionate life.

The bottom line is this:

Do you trust yourself enough to allow yourself to do minimal?  If so, your essence will guide you on what your minimal will be for you given your current circumstances!  This means if there is room for great degrees of minimal then that may be called for you and if not, there will still be ways to create minimal in a degree that works for your highest good.   When you do trust yourself, your minimal becomes your maximum toward giving, compassion and surrender to your spiritual growth and evolution!

Of course, you know all of this deep within and this is simply a reminder of the true importance of giving in to the calling to be/do minimal.  Just remember to ENJOY because soon enough you will be called back to the flow of maximum energy output toward giving and fulfilling your life’s external work.  This is the flow that we call life and when you go with the flow, you are regenerated and renewed to live passionately, joyfully and abundantly in all ways!

Blessings to you always!

Why false perceptions matter

Do you ever find that people have a perception of you that isn’t necessarily true?  People tend to make assumptions about you and your life base on some of the external components to your life.  Do you ever find that you actually want them to believe in that perception they have about you even though it isn’t accurate? I have!

I have learned from experience, however, how something as seemingly harmless as going along with a false perception impacts you.  The impact is unconscious and can have lasting impact.  The reason is because when you go along with a false perception a part of you is hiding – typically hiding from your own shame and judgment.

Allow me to share a recent experience to explain this concept in more detail.  Recently, I was being congratulated by someone I knew fairly well on some recent successes.  They also alluded to the idea that I must be enjoying the financial rewards to my success.  At that moment, I felt a slight twinge.  A part of me so easily could have went with what she was saying by not agreeing or disagreeing and just move along in our conversation.  No harm done right?  Wrong!

What that twinge was about was the fight between my ego and my authentic self.  I knew a part of me wanted her to buy into the false perception that I am currently swimming in the dough!  That was exactly the problem.  Because of my work with emotional consciousness, I knew this was an opportunity for me to recognize that deep within me judgment about my finances existed.  I simply told her that her assumption was not the case.  After our conversation finished was when my inner work began.

Utilizing the tools I teach, I began to play detective regarding what I was judging. Fortunately, I am very fine tuned to my feelings and rather than blow them off, I saw this as a gift that I wanted to claim!  That is the beauty regarding your feelings because they are always available to allow you to expand and grow even more.  Obviously there was more growth for me to do around this topic!

In regard to finances, I have personally grown to understand that my needs and desires are always taken care of, so that wasn’t the issue.  The fear and judgment that came up was in regard to my profession.  I felt shame and embarrassment around the idea that should you (meaning this community) find out about the amount of money I make, you would deem me as no longer credible.  Of course, this is a projection of my own judgments.  The shame is because of my own judgment that exists, even though logically I know it isn’t true.  That is the thing about fears, they aren’t logical.

Even though fears are not completely logical, you will always have others that will fuel your fears.  After discussing this upcoming blog with a few of my peers – coaches, business experts etc.., they told me it was career suicide for me to share my process with you.  I was told that I want others to see me professionally as the image of success.

Image, however, is exactly what I believe hides us from being able to live authentically, freely and more empowered lives.  I know from experience that a part of my potential would be lost should I give into the fear.  So, I choose not to buy into the fear.  I knew that you judge me based on the value of my content, whether it supports you to grow and evolve in your life as well, and not on any image that pretends I don’t have my own process.  In fact, because I do have my own process, I feel that my experiences support me to further understand the traps and ways in which we unconsciously hinder ourselves.

The point of me sharing this with you is not about whether or not I make enough money.  The point is how false perceptions can be an opportunity for you to recognize your fears.    Sometimes your fears jump out.  To consciously grow, however, you want to be a detective to search for what else is waiting within you to evolve away from the ego and into more of your potential.

False perceptions happen all the time because we have the tendency to want people to see us at our best.  You rejoice in sharing the good and blessings that you are able to experience. You need to make sure that you aren’t hiding behind the good in order to remain distant from the judgments and fears within you.

Should you find yourself tempting to hide behind a false perception, use the experience to see how your ego wants you to buy into not being enough for where you are currently at in your life.  This is how shifts begin by not needing what is false to be a part of your identity or self worth.   When you no longer need the illusions of the ego, your ego can let go and make room for creating more of what you desire.    I know this because I have used this process to change many aspects of my life.  The work isn’t always easy but it is definitely worth doing!

The real process of making your dreams a reality

Do you ever feel weighed down, filled with self-doubt or procrastinating?  Good, these are all really good signs that you are on your way to making your dreams happen!  You think I am kidding, I am not.  The truth is that when you go for making a positive shift happen in your life, you are going to run into some internal obstacles.  The reason is that you are being called to expand and share more of yourself in one way or another.

Of course, your ego isn’t going to allow you to claim more of your authentic self and potential without putting up a fight.  As you get closer to taking the next step on your path to claiming potential, you are going to run into self-doubt.  These doubts are going to make you procrastinate and ultimately feel weighted down.

You would think that your goal is to try to get rid of your weighted down feelings and doubts so you can move forward, right?  Wrong!   Making your goal to be getting rid of your negative thoughts and feelings can set you up for an internal battle that you won’t win!  You automatically lose because your energy is being wasted on your ego.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of the self-help tools currently available unknowingly guide you to focus more of your energy and beliefs on your ego rather than your inner truth and power.  Your negative feelings have a more significant meaning that goes beyond the ego, if and when you learn how to let go of the ego drama.

So how do you let go of the ego drama?

SURRENDER! When you consciously choose to surrender to your ego, you aren’t engaging in the battle.  Doing so consciously allows you to listen to what messages your ego is sharing with you.  Now you have those messages out in the open and you see how either ridiculous or repetitive and non-serving they are.  Once the ego feels it has been heard, your authentic voice will have room to share the necessary insight that will support you to move forward.  Then it is up to you to choice which message is going to serve you to obtain your dream.

Rather than surrender, what most people do is try to dismiss, positive think over or rise above their ego message.  Although it sounds nice, it doesn’t work.  You must consciously choose if you want to do what sounds nice or what will actually support you to move forward.  Doing what sounds nice in this instance is reacting based on the old-world understanding regarding your feelings.  Even though you may convince yourself that your ego has diminished, it is impacting you in more unconscious ways that will keep you internally struggling and stagnant.   Rather than freeing the energy of your ego, you are unconsciously empowering it while all along distancing yourself from the true insight your essence is offering you.

Ask yourself what you are afraid of when it comes to surrendering to your ego and that will tell you the power your ego still holds over you.  The answer is to find internal peace and it begins by surrendering to all aspects of you!  This is how you will be able to truly F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love and more profoundly open yourself to the gifts within you.  When those feelings of doubt creep in, rather than weigh you down, F.E.E.L. will give you the insight you need to move forward.  As you trust and follow your insight, feelings that once weighed you down shift to bring you more energy and vitality toward life.  In doing so, your dreams become a reality!

It is an honor to have you join the evolution to live emotionally conscious by realizing how F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love is life changing! If you would like to know how to apply F.E.E.L. more aptly into your own life, consider my F.E.E.L. Virtual Mastery Program at http://www.michellebersell.com/feel/ (While your ego is telling you I am selling to you, your essence knows it is my passion to teach you to hear the truth to your emotions & empower your essence.  Let your essence guide you to determine if this is the support you need to move forward by trying the program risk free with a 100% money-back guarantee.)

Here’s to you living emotionally conscious and exceptionally well,

The Answer to How to Handle Your Anger & Sadness Regarding Oil Gushing into the Gulf

I have heard how furious and sad people are at what has now been going on for months in the Gulf of Mexico.  Are you one of them – furious at BP and furious at the U.S. government’s handling of the situation?  I am one of them too, which is why this blog is for both me and you.

You (and I) vent to others the despair and sickening feeling that you feel, but in the end you cannot stop the oil leak.  You are left not knowing what to do with the anger and sadness you feel toward this tragedy.  What bothers me is that along with this anger and sadness is a sense of hopelessness that there is nothing you can do.  This simply is not true!

Although you and I feel right blaming BP and the government for the mess our ecology is in, I know there is a deeper answer that is waiting for you and me to claim.  You see I teach a process which is called F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love.  I know it sounds like a philosophy for sensitive people or for those emotionally challenged, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.  F.E.E.L.  is a process that gives you empowering insight to what you are feeling.  Because you are constantly feeling about everything throughout your day (whether you are conscious or not), understanding your feelings from this emotionally conscious level changes you and how you go about living your life.

The F.E.E.L. perspective teaches what anger is really about from an emotionally conscious level.  Anger from this perspective is about owning your power.  You see when you turn to BP and the U.S. government about your anger, psychotherapists like myself call that projecting.  It is not that there isn’t merit to that anger you feel, it is just that it keeps you in the victim mode.  When you are the victim, you don’t have power and cannot create changes because you have given away your power to the voice of your ego.

F.E.E.L. supports you to listen to the inner wisdom within you, which recognizes that your feelings are present out of love to guide you back to your inner truth.  You are right to be saddened and angry at the impact on the land and sea, the animals and the chemicals that are being used which will eventually show up in our food chain, causing us health problems.    Your sadness is present to get really clear that you, and I – let’s face it pretty much everyone takes forgranted some aspect of our Earth and her natural resources.  Can you use your sadness to get clear as to how you can honor the Earth even more?

Your anger is present to support you to claim back your power and make changes for and within you.  From this level of understanding, your anger is not about revenge or blame.  Those forms of anger are from the ego.  Your anger from an emotional consciousness perspective supports you to ignite your power and passion to really look at you and where you fall in the picture.

Maybe you can begin with the plastic you waste.  Have you used the power of your voice to demand that we get charged a sizable sum when you forget your grocery bags or does that sound too inconvenient? Do you recognize or blow off your part of the oil dependency cycle that we are in?

Seeing yourself in this light allows you to see how much more similar you and I are to BP and the U.S. government in not taking full responsibility. The government and BP are a mirror to how we don’t yet hold ourselves fully accountable either.  To make the shift happen, begin with you!

There used to be a chosen few who innately knew how to use their negative feelings such as anger, sadness and frustration and use them to empower them.  These are the leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela and Gandhi to name a few.

We can no longer afford to only have a chosen few act from an emotionally conscious level.  You too are being called to Feel Every Emotion as Love so you can live from an empowered state toward all aspects of life.  This Gulf event is an awakening for all of us, myself included, in many ways.

No matter how much you are doing in regard to being environmentally conscious, I guarantee that if you feel sadness or anger that there is more responsibility that you can claim.  This isn’t about being the perfect environmentalist rather this is about your essence yearning for you to take another step toward protecting our Earth.   Be clear if and when you are the victim because then your ego is getting the best of you.  Now is the time to tap into the potential that waits within, which only you can claim!

I would LOVE to hear your ideas about one or two steps you have already taken.  It is very likely that a step that you have already done is a prime example of what someone else can do next!  Also, please share one more step that you are willing to commit to now and set a date of when it will be completed.

Remember it is your ego that would have you believe that your actions are insignificant.  Trust me when I say that your feelings of anger and sadness will begin to shift the moment you beginning following where your essence wants to take you in regard to this situation and every other situation in your life.

Live Emotionally Conscious – Live Exceptionally Well,

www.MichelleBersell.com

PS:  If you would like more support in seeing how your feelings can support you to further tap into your potential, check out my F.E.E.L. Virtual Mastery Program.  In honor of celebrating freedom in all its forms, I would like to extend a $10 off discount for the first month of my F.E.E.L. Virtual Mastery Program.  If you want to learn how your feelings can support you to tap into more of your potential go to www.MichelleBersell.com/feel, which is good until July 4^th.

What to Do From an Emotional Consciousness Perspective When You Lose Your Cool?

Dear Michelle,
I’m having a lot of trouble creating boundaries between my sense of peace and my 13 year old son who’s exploring risky behaviors. I wondered if you could speak to that kind of challenge. I find that his behaviors send me into really unwanted tailspins.  It’s fine for me to say ok detach.  And I already meditate and do yoga, but then he reveals that he’s tried stealing something and wow there goes my cool. I’m looking for ways to better mediate my emotional life so I can be a solid parent to my child. I look forward to hearing your response. 

Roberta

Hi Roberta,

First of all, I want to validate your reaction when you hear that your son has attempted stealing.  I am sure it blew you away knowing that he is engaging in behaviors that are not for his highest good. Of course this would be upsetting to you! My bet is, however, that your reaction isn’t feeling good to either yourself or your son.  So even though I understand why you lost your cool, I want to support you to move out of the reactionary ego perspective and instead gain clarity and empowerment through emotional consciousness. So whatever you do, don’t detach from your feelings!  We need your emotions to understand the next steps you need to take and to improve this situation. 

The good news is that your situation applies to everyone when they lose their cool. Regardless of the circumstance, when you lose your cool, the feeling you are experience is first ANGER and second likely frustration.  When you learn to recognize these feelings through the lens of love (as in Feel Every Emotion as Love) you can begin to differentiate between the messages of your ego and the messages of your essence.

Your ego reacts in anger when subconsciously you believe that your power has been taken away from you. Roberta, in your case you are feeling powerless as to how to move your son away from engaging in risky behaviors. 

Frustration is where “not good enough” lives and seeps in when you feel like you are spinning your wheels.  Roberta, because you have likely tried different measures without success, your ego can take a hold and judge your abilities.  A part of why your reaction gets so strong is because you take his behaviors and make them personal about you. Although this is common for parents, especially teenage parents, to do, it isn’t your truth.

As your anger and frustration get triggered from your ego, you are going to blow. My work doesn’t say that you have to not ever blow.  Sometimes, circumstances just push enough of your buttons.  Yet, you are doing yourself a disservice if you don’t understand the inner wisdom coming through to support you to CREATE CHANGE!

As I teach in much greater detail through my F.E.E.L. Virtual Mastery Program (www.MichelleBersell.com/feel), your anger and frustration have much wisdom to share.  Anger from a spiritual perspective is always about claiming your power. While frustration is present to tell you that the way you are going about doing things isn’t working and you need to create a shift back to your inner wisdom.

Roberta, your anger is present to tell you to claim the power you still have toward your relationship with your son.  Although your ego is telling you that you are powerless in this situation, nothing could be further from the truth.  Your son is reaching out to you when he admits that he attempted to steal.  Your true power is tapped into when you look to what is triggering this for him.  He is looking to you for guidance (no matter how much he may act that he is blowing off what you say) because he told you the truth!

Tap into your own experiences of feeling peer pressure to remember that you did (as well as myself and everyone else) dumb things to get others approval. Have compassion for yourself for your mistakes and use that to have compassion and understanding for him.  Then from a loving place, ask him questions such as who he was with, what he was feeling like around them and allow him to begin to see the light of what is really going on within him.  Your power is bringing out the truth to what is really going on rather than staying stuck on the surface issue of stealing.

Your frustration is your essence guiding you that things have to change.  Put the onus back on him to what he thinks needs to be done to make a change. Don’t let him let his ego off easily. Guide him to stand up for his essence and the man that he wants to become. How can things change to support him to realize that within himself? You can support him but only he can claim it for himself.

The lesson is for all of us that when we lose our cool, we are buying into a version of ourselves and a version of reality that isn’t true.  As a person on a path to live more consciously, you can take this experience (and every experience your emotions come up) to become in greater alignment with your truth and power!

Thanks Roberta for sharing your story! Glad to hear that you are already meditating and doing yoga, as those activities will support you to gain access to the inner wisdom that is within each of your feelings.

Live Emotionally Conscious & Live Exceptionally Well,

How to shift an “off” day to “on”

No one ever sets off to have an “off” day.  You are just going about living your life and one thing leads to another, or so it seems.  If you are on the path to living your life more consciously so you can embrace more of your potential, your work is to bring awareness to what is really going on. 

What is really going on during an off day is that you likely lowered your standards.  Of course you are not going to go about your day thinking “Today would be a great day to lower my standards.” So how does this happen?

Believe it or not, you are most likely going to lower your standards when you are going after something you want.  You see, in your mind sometimes to get what you want, you “make exceptions.”  Making exceptions is fine except when you go against what feels good and right to you. The problem is that it is way too easy to make excuses even if your exception does not feel right to you. 

Take me for example.  Yesterday, I had an appointment with a really well-known figure regarding his participation in the next New Consciousness Audio Series.  Unfortunately, the appointment time was incorrectly scheduled and if I wanted to fit in to his very busy schedule, I needed to rearrange some appointments on my end.  I knew at the time, I didn’t feel comfortable making changes to my schedule.  It just didn’t feel right.  Still, I did as I thought of how wonderful it would be to have him as a part of the series. 

Against my better judgment of my inner guidance, rearrangements were made.  And you know what?  The rearrangements threw off my day.   

Now for the kicker, HE NEVER CALLED!

You see it is these little instances where boundaries weaken and you can easily have no clue.   After all you want to be a good person, so you think you should give people the benefit of the doubt, be compassionate etc….  What happens is then that you are likely going to blow off your contribution to the problem.  You will say to yourself something like “It is no big deal.”

You are correct in that it is no big deal to the other person involved.  Yet, the truth is that instances in which you lower your boundaries should matter to you. 

In my case, I could have easily forgotten about it and just have my assistant reschedule with his assistant. No big deal right?  WRONG!

The big deal is that how I feel going about my day matters to me.  Being in flow with my work makes a big difference in my day and I don’t like feeling “off.” 

What is key to remember is that this has everything to do with my actions and not his.  If I would have listened to my inner guidance, this wouldn’t have impacted my day as it did. It would have been “on.”

You are going to mess up at times and not listen to your inner guidance, just as I did.  If you want to remain living emotionally unconscious (like many do) you will easily blow off lowering your standards.  You won’t recognize how you disregarded your inner wisdom and then you will wonder why life at times feels like such a struggle.

Living emotionally conscious, however, you can choose to recognize your part in the equation.  When you do, you are living more empowered because you see how you can handle circumstances in a way that is in greater alignment with your essence. 

And this, my friends, is exactly how healthy boundaries are created! It is through the times when you dismiss your boundaries that can affirm the importance of boundaries in your life. 

It is just like how successful people have experienced a lot of failures prior to their success.  The same holds true with your boundaries.  People with healthy boundaries that supports them to live their best life have become conscious of the times when their boundaries were lax.  The reason is that in both cases, you learn and grow – IF YOU ARE WILLING & AWARE!

Of course, I became aware of this instance by recognizing my annoyance, which was really just light weight anger.  Utilizing my anger from an emotionally conscious state, I realized my feelings were about me claiming more of my power.  Through that understanding, I claimed back my power through re-establishing boundaries that feel good and right to me. 

For me, the person who blew off our appointment has nothing to do with how I felt.  He was simply the vehicle of how I was supposed to remember my truth to support me as my work progresses.  The stakes may become higher, but my truth remains the same.  Evidently, I needed that reminder!  Once I got it, my day went from feeling “off” to feeling back “on!”

You need reminders when you are on your path to grow and evolve.  Your emotions are there to support you to stay on track.  Choose to live emotionally conscious to embrace the power within you that will allow you to turn around an “off” day and get back “on” track to living your best life!

Live Emotionally Conscious – Live Exceptionally Well,

« Previous Page — Next Page »