How to shift an “off” day to “on”

No one ever sets off to have an “off” day.  You are just going about living your life and one thing leads to another, or so it seems.  If you are on the path to living your life more consciously so you can embrace more of your potential, your work is to bring awareness to what is really going on. 

What is really going on during an off day is that you likely lowered your standards.  Of course you are not going to go about your day thinking “Today would be a great day to lower my standards.” So how does this happen?

Believe it or not, you are most likely going to lower your standards when you are going after something you want.  You see, in your mind sometimes to get what you want, you “make exceptions.”  Making exceptions is fine except when you go against what feels good and right to you. The problem is that it is way too easy to make excuses even if your exception does not feel right to you. 

Take me for example.  Yesterday, I had an appointment with a really well-known figure regarding his participation in the next New Consciousness Audio Series.  Unfortunately, the appointment time was incorrectly scheduled and if I wanted to fit in to his very busy schedule, I needed to rearrange some appointments on my end.  I knew at the time, I didn’t feel comfortable making changes to my schedule.  It just didn’t feel right.  Still, I did as I thought of how wonderful it would be to have him as a part of the series. 

Against my better judgment of my inner guidance, rearrangements were made.  And you know what?  The rearrangements threw off my day.   

Now for the kicker, HE NEVER CALLED!

You see it is these little instances where boundaries weaken and you can easily have no clue.   After all you want to be a good person, so you think you should give people the benefit of the doubt, be compassionate etc….  What happens is then that you are likely going to blow off your contribution to the problem.  You will say to yourself something like “It is no big deal.”

You are correct in that it is no big deal to the other person involved.  Yet, the truth is that instances in which you lower your boundaries should matter to you. 

In my case, I could have easily forgotten about it and just have my assistant reschedule with his assistant. No big deal right?  WRONG!

The big deal is that how I feel going about my day matters to me.  Being in flow with my work makes a big difference in my day and I don’t like feeling “off.” 

What is key to remember is that this has everything to do with my actions and not his.  If I would have listened to my inner guidance, this wouldn’t have impacted my day as it did. It would have been “on.”

You are going to mess up at times and not listen to your inner guidance, just as I did.  If you want to remain living emotionally unconscious (like many do) you will easily blow off lowering your standards.  You won’t recognize how you disregarded your inner wisdom and then you will wonder why life at times feels like such a struggle.

Living emotionally conscious, however, you can choose to recognize your part in the equation.  When you do, you are living more empowered because you see how you can handle circumstances in a way that is in greater alignment with your essence. 

And this, my friends, is exactly how healthy boundaries are created! It is through the times when you dismiss your boundaries that can affirm the importance of boundaries in your life. 

It is just like how successful people have experienced a lot of failures prior to their success.  The same holds true with your boundaries.  People with healthy boundaries that supports them to live their best life have become conscious of the times when their boundaries were lax.  The reason is that in both cases, you learn and grow – IF YOU ARE WILLING & AWARE!

Of course, I became aware of this instance by recognizing my annoyance, which was really just light weight anger.  Utilizing my anger from an emotionally conscious state, I realized my feelings were about me claiming more of my power.  Through that understanding, I claimed back my power through re-establishing boundaries that feel good and right to me. 

For me, the person who blew off our appointment has nothing to do with how I felt.  He was simply the vehicle of how I was supposed to remember my truth to support me as my work progresses.  The stakes may become higher, but my truth remains the same.  Evidently, I needed that reminder!  Once I got it, my day went from feeling “off” to feeling back “on!”

You need reminders when you are on your path to grow and evolve.  Your emotions are there to support you to stay on track.  Choose to live emotionally conscious to embrace the power within you that will allow you to turn around an “off” day and get back “on” track to living your best life!

Live Emotionally Conscious – Live Exceptionally Well,

What’s Your Body’s Story?

Recently, I have been hearing from a lot of people, clients and friends, disclaimers regarding their sense of self, especially when it came to their appearance.  They complain that their body has changed and they yearn for that younger, thinner, wrinkle-free version of themselves.   

This got me thinking about how aware we are of the aspects of ourselves that we deem as not measuring up yet often unaware of the stories behind the judgments.  You carry your body around with you all day, yet did you ever stop to think what is my body’s story?  Before you go down the path of yet another diet or exercise plan, it is time to make peace with your body.  Uncovering your body’s story is going to support you to get to the truth of what is truly upsetting you.  As you make peace with your body, you are going to claim overall well-being at a deeper level.

Here is what you can do to begin to uncover your body’s story:

1) Your body as a child:

Think about for a minute how you felt about your body as a child.  What is your story then?  How did you eat? How did you feel overall?

 2) Your body as an adolescent:

Same questions as above, plus notice the role of judgment toward your body from yourself and others as to whether it increased, decreased or stayed the same as from when you were a child

3) Your current story regarding your body:

Are there any aspects to your body that you wish were different? Have you always felt this way or when did you begin judging your body in this way?  Do you disassociate yourself from your body not paying too much attention to it’s appearance or are you overly attentive and critical?

4) Create a new story:

What can you learn about how you viewed your body as a child?  How can you begin to shift your view of your body to be seen as a tool to promote self-love?  What would a more balanced perspective toward your body look like?  (more or less exercise, more healthy food or more joy food?  Etc) How do you believe this view would change those around you?  How would this view change your sense of self.

As you become conscious of your body, it is important to find a middle way. As you truly feel better about yourself internally, you desire health in all areas of your life.  Your body becomes one part of that expression of health – a story of treating your whole self with true love and deep respect. 

Live Consciously – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

You’ve Got to Get Dirty to Spring Clean Your Life!

I must admit, March is one of my least favorite months.  Here in Wisconsin, the weather isn’t quite as warm as I would like, days are gloomy and all I see around me is a lot of mud.  My twin boys attend a nature preschool, where they take long hikes and play outside for a good part of their day.  Their clothes come back filthy, which always guarantees another load of laundry for me to do. It would be easy to say to myself,  “Michelle, you just need to get out of here and get some sun.”  Luckily, I know that if I just looked at my feelings on a surface level, I would be blowing off a huge opportunity. 

As many of you have heard me share before, nature is a great teacher and this certainly applies to March.  Prior to spring, we are in more darkness than light.  What many are not aware of is how much our well-being imitates nature.  During those darker hours, we are being given a prime opportunity to look into the darkness of the shadows of our being.  By bringing our emotional shadows into our awareness, we shed light on that which we once feared. 

For me it is like clockwork ….when March comes I know I am being asked to get dirty.  Unlike my kids, my getting dirty is about shining light on that which I would rather ignore by attending to messages of my ego.  Let’s face it, in the short-term, blowing off these messages is just easier.  After all, life still feels good.  Why not just go with that?  Well, the reason why I don’t is because I know how to F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love™.

The concept of F.E.E.L™ is a shift in consciousness toward understanding our emotional well-being.  This emotional consciousness shift allows me to see beyond the limited understanding of our feelings that are based upon the ego.  In doing so, rather than go on with life feeling 85% good and 15% off, I consciously choose to bring up that 15% and see what that is all about.  Rather than stay with the surface of the situation ( in my case the weather) there is so much rich opportunity to discover what is really going on within me. 

Think about what you have to do prior to you planting seeds.  You have to clear the surface and dig up underneath.  You want that soil to be turned, shed light on that which has been buried and give it some air.  The same needs to happen within us.  And just like nature if you properly attend to the soil in which you plant your seeds, you will reap the rewards later!

So how do you begin?  First of all you have to trust yourself that you can handle the feeling underneath the surface of you.  You may avoid your feelings altogether because you have had negative experiences when an uncomfortable feeling is brought into your awareness.  There is a difference, however, when you consciously choose to bring up a negative feeling which is you are still in control.  When a feeling bursts out from you, you are in a reactionary state.  By consciously bringing an uncomfortable feeling into your awareness you can differentiate in your mind the messages that come with it that are from the ego (which will be deflating to you) and those that come from love ( which will support you to move forward with creating your ideal life!)  Having that information is priceless!  Now instead of 15 % struggling (or whatever that percentage is for you), you have clarity about what you need to do.  You also have experienced more of your power as you now have reclaimed 15% more of your energy and attention that can go toward fulfilling your life’s purpose and passions!

So before spring is sprung, I encourage you to allow yourself to get a little dirty this spring.  As you do, commend yourself for being willing to do what that vast majority won’t.  You are choosing an enlightened path which takes much courage. 

I just started with a new client this week and before we started she said, “I am ready to get dirty!” and I just had to laugh.   Boy was she right and the rewards she is already reaping from just one session will forever change her life.  Remind yourself that you too are worth it to F.E.E.L: Feel Every Emotion as Love!

Happy Digging!

Michelle

One Workday, No Blackberry & The Results Are?

Consciously choosing not to turn on my Blackberry for one whole day during the middle of my work week and stepping away from work can bring up anxiety and guilt.  “Am I being responsible?  I have so much to do, how will all my work ever get done?” are all questions of my ego uses to try to keep me settled into the daily throws of work.  At first, stepping away felt tortuous.  All too clearly, I begin to see the slight addictive behaviors I have toward checking my email and trying to stay on top of everything.

Nevertheless, I allowed my spirit to win!  My spirit was telling me I needed a break.  I have had to put in a lot of hours to get the audio series completed.  This weekend, I am working on Sunday speaking at an event.  Therefore, I decided, what if I acted as if Tuesday was really a Saturday?  What would it be like to let myself off the hook during the weekday?  Let me tell you it felt good!

My rational mind wouldn’t have thunk it but watching re-runs of The Office was exactly what my spirit needed.  Usually, when I take breaks throughout my work day, I try to be spiritually conscious.  I go for walks in nature and read inspiring passages.  Yesterday was all about just allowing myself to relax and be a so-called “slug” ( my ego’s words, not mine) if that is what I needed. 

After lying in bed watching three episodes of The Office, I did some coloring, took a nap, then a bath and made some homemade ice cream which I allowed myself to have prior to eating the pancake dinner I made for my family.   All and all, a great day and a wonderful reminder that what fuels my spirit doesn’t have to be so serious or reflective.  What fuels my spirit is the joy in just allowing myself to be.  Oh and the result, as if feeling joyful and relaxed wasn’t enough – a renew enthusiasm toward delving back into my work!

With Joy,  Michelle

What Does Generosity of Spirit Look Like to You?

The holidays are the time of year when you naturally feel more inclined to be generous.  You want to share your gratitude for all that you have been given, as well as a sense of love and appreciation for those you care about.  A huge message I keep getting over and over is about being generous but not in the typical buy presents kind-of-way. 

Presents are great and fun to receive.  Yet, there is something a little extra special to giving of yourself in a way that touches your heart because the giving authentically came from you.  I’ve been asking myself what are those little extra doses of generosity that I can give out.  Sometimes money is involved, sometimes it is not.  What I like about the generosity of spirit behind the giving is that often times, only I will know or that the giving is uniquely between me and another. 

In asking myself “How can I share of myself and my resources in a way that stretches me a little bit more?,” I have found two great gifts.    The first gift is a deeper level of trust and knowingness that I can give of myself in ways that my rational mind would tell me I cannot.  For me, this means such an intense demonstration of how loved and cared for I am by God. 

The second gift is realizing that this generosity of spirit also applies to me.  In other words, how can you be generous in spirit to you?  When you remember you are not only supposed to be generous to others but also to yourself, you will feel that deepening of love and faith that the holidays are truly about. 

Here is to you creating a generous and blessed holiday season!

With Faith and Love,

Michelle

PS:  Would you mind being generous with your ideas by sharing what generosity of spirit looks like to you?  Add your comment and let’s share with one another simple ways to be generous to each other and yourself, as we end this calendar year.

How High is Your Pain Tolerance When It Comes to Stress?

Did you ever play those games when you were a kid to see how far you could bend back your fingers without giving up in pain?  How about allowing a relative or friend to keep hitting you harder and harder to see how long you could take it without giving up?  In both of these cases, the more pain you could tolerate, the stronger you were viewed.  I am sure at one point or another you gave it a try in order to avoid being called a wimp.

These silly games you play as a kid imprints a lasting message in your psyche.  The message is you are somehow better if you are tough and learn to “suck up” the pain or discomfort that you are feeling.   This message has been reiterated by adults as well because of the belief that you need to be able tolerate pain because life is not always fair.

The unfortunate outcome is that you learn how to tolerate your pain too well.  The result is suffering with your careers, your relationships and/or your sense of self due to your great tolerance of pain.  You have learned loud and clear that you are better off sucking it up.  You pull yourself up by the boot straps and try to move forward all the while ignoring the pain the best you can. 

What you don’t think about is how this will impact you in the long-term because you have been trained not to.  There is this pain reliever/aspirin commercial that demonstrates this so well.  The storyline is that this man suffers from pains that hold him back from accomplishing what he wants.  Presto — when he takes his pain reliever, we see him strong, being able to climb any mountain and accomplish his dream.   The message is that here is an easy way to cover up your pain that allows you to achieve all that you desire.  What I am thinking is this poor guy – he thinks he is being so strong by pushing himself past his limits and he is going to wake up to some major pain possibly even hurting himself physically to the point where it is beyond repair.  This commercial reiterates what you have all been taught to believe, which is if you toughen up and cover up your pain, you will then be able to get what you want.  This may work for the short-term but in the long run you end up hurting yourself even more. 

By ignoring your pain there is another part deep down within you that believes in the message of the pain rather than hearing the truth.  The truth is that your emotions want to share with you how to alleviate the pain for good.   Rather than hear this message, you are too focused on putting your best self forward all the while ignoring the hurt you feel.  What this actually does is keep you stuck and that is the sad part because it doesn’t have to be that way.

There are few people who are born without having the sensitivity to pain in their bodies. Their inability to feel the pain puts them in great danger and they end up getting hurt often.  Others have to keep a close watch on them because they do not register the signals that tell them what is taxing or hurting them.

I believe our society as a whole is suffering because we have tampered with the amazing gift of our emotional sensitivity.  Rather than picking up on the emotional signals that tell you when something is not good, you tolerate what isn’t good for you.  Worse yet is how you tell yourself to get over it, move on, think positively or be the better person and rise above it.  The reality is that you are just telling yourself that you are not sick of these circumstances enough to make a change.  In other words, you are telling your pain to bring on some more because you can and will take more pain. 

Once you have reached the point where you are so tired of the pain and so exhausted from fighting, only then will change occur.  The gift is that your pain doesn’t have to reach that point in order for you to take action.  So what is it going to be for you — a high pain tolerance or a low pain tolerance? 

My hope is that you will join me in having a low pain tolerance.  With a low pain tolerance you will recognize your sadness, anger or frustration more often.  The difference is that you will see this as a gift that will help you to live your life even better.  Trust me, it is not the emotions that are so painful rather it is the truth that you are trying to deny.  But remember the truth will always set you free.  Doesn’t living freely sound better than living chained to the pain?

Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

Do You Know What Radical Love Is?

What I am about to share is beyond what most people consider when they talk about taking care of themselves such as eating well, exercising or getting a massage.   Those are crucial components to your well-being, but I would like you to also consider radically loving you.

Radical love is really about making yourself uncomfortable in giving to yourself in order that you are able to expand your meaning of love.  It is especially uncomfortable to give this type of love to yourself because you fear what others will say.  Worse yet, you judge yourself for having the needs that you do.  Yet, this expansive love for yourself is exactly what is needed for you to fulfill your life’s work, take the necessary risks to make it happen and live a life that is aligned with your highest good.

The best way for me to explain is to share a recent experience that was about me being tested to explore the love I have for myself.  At the beginning of the year, I had a great yearning to get away by myself.  All I wanted to do was go somewhere and experience peace.  I wanted to throw myself deeply into good spiritual books, journal writing and meditation.  In my mind, it would take at least a week for me to really be able to feel the benefits of this self-care.  Unfortunately, that would take some time for me to be able to plan between making sure I had someone able to take care of my kids while also missing work.   In other words, my mind told me “Nice thought, but it is not going to happen right away, so forget it.”

Fortunately, my essence wouldn’t let me forget it.  For about a week, I would talk to my close friends about longing to go into what I called a “spiritual cave” and reconnect with my essence.  Even though my rational mind kept shutting that idea out with thinking such as “it can’t happen right now,” I was further fortunate to be able to use my feelings as a guide.  My feelings, as all our feelings, are present to guide us back to our truth.

After a week of shutting down this idea of getting away, I woke up one Saturday morning to my kids seemingly being extraordinarily loud!  “Please just a few more minutes extra sleep is all I need,” I said to myself, “then I will be okay.”  I wasn’t.   All I can say was that I was out of it.  I wasn’t being present with my family.  I also had work to do but could not focus on that either.  Then I was given the opportunity to again experience and test my radical love for me.

After trying to be present, enjoy the moment, and be grateful for my family, I came to the conclusion I had to get the heck out of there…and right away.  But how could I?  How could I just spring this on my husband and stick him with the kids?  What about our plans for the next day to celebrate his parents’ birthdays?  I didn’t want to miss that either.

At that moment, I was an internal mess.  I knew what most people would consider the right thing to do was to just suck it up, or go take a walk, but certainly not just picking up and leaving.   My essence, however, brought me back to my truth and asked me the following questions:  Do I love myself enough to ask my husband?  Do I love myself enough to inconvenience him?  Do I love myself enough to disappoint him and possibly his parents if I don’t make it back in time for their party?  And the answer was yes!  In half an hour I had packed my bag and was gone!

The gift didn’t end there either.  Radical love is loving yourself just as you are in the moment, especially in those darker moments.  Can I love myself in my sorrow?  Can I still love myself when I am judging me?  Can I love myself when I can’t take care of anyone else but myself?  Can I love myself when I don’t meet the expectations that I place on myself?  Then, even more profound love came.  I could distance myself from all of the illusions that I was buying into and sink into the self-care that my soul desperately needed.

Of course, this care did not take anywhere near as long as my ego convinced me I would need.  When I left, I told my husband I would be back somewhere between 24 and 48 hours.  At that point, I felt there was no way that would be enough time for me, but that is where I would start.  The miracle of our essence is that it’s healing ability is much more profound than our minds and ego can imagine.  I was back home 23 hours later – refreshed, renewed, and authentically happy and at peace.

What I found was that sometimes my needs go above and beyond what I think is normal and necessary for most people.  Nevertheless, the truth was that it was my need.  This experience allowed me to give myself that extra TLC my soul was craving.  Even though I take care of myself by meditating daily, eating well, exercising, playing, and getting monthly massages – I still needed more at the time.  Learning not to judge myself for it was part of my continued growth of loving myself more.

I worried, as have many people that I have worked with, that in giving this type of love to ourselves are we being selfish, self-centered or even narcissistic?  This is what society would have you to believe – that your self care is selfish.  When you buy into that limitation that is when you have to worry about becoming narcissistic.  This is because narcissism and selfishness actually comes from a hatred toward your true selves that becomes disguised by self-importance.   (For more about this, read my book Emotional Abundance: Become Empowered.)

Now that the selfish question is cleared up, ask yourself what is going to be your next step.  For some, maybe it is taking off for a couple of days.  For others, it may be remembering to stop what you’re doing to get yourself a glass of water and recognizing your thirst as a priority.   Regardless of what your needs are, the faster you can recognize them as your truth, the better off you are going to feel in mind, body and spirit.

Once you give yourself permission to stop whatever you think is so important to take care of yourself, you can hear the voice of your spirit saying “it’s not that important.”  It’s at that point that I laugh at myself.  I really get a huge chuckle out of myself that I know these lessons so well, but can still fall prey to the tricks the ego plays.   Yet each time I do, I come closer and closer to radical love.

Why does radical love matter?  Because when you give yourselves that type of nonjudgmental, over the top love, it is so much easier to give to others.  In fact, it will just flow out of you.

WITHOUT SELF-LOVE YOU CANNOT MAKE THE CHANGES THAT YOU SO DEEPLY DESIRE TO MAKE!  Unfortunately, so many people make their resolutions out of dislike toward themselves.  They judge themselves how they are not good enough in one way or need to improve in another manner.  That is why resolutions fail.

Radical love shows the balance in acceptance of who you are in the present with all your gifts and vulnerabilities and cherishes them all.  The deeper your love is for yourself, the more deeply you will desire to take better care of all aspects of yourself and your life.   Instead of making the New Year a time of change, why don’t you use Valentine’s Day as a time to reflect upon how you could more deeply love yourself, and from that see what changes happen.

Wishing you heartfelt change in the days to come!