QUIZ: HOW MUCH OF YOUR ENERGY GOES TOWARD WANTING TO BE LIKED?
The desire to be liked, well-thought of and respected is a common desire in women and men alike. However, too many of you are likely giving away too much of your energy and yourself in order to have this desire met. This desire may be consistently present in all areas of your life, or just focused on one area such as with those you interact with at work, your friendships, your intimate partnership/marriage or even random encounters with others. When this occurs, it means you have an energy leak on your hands that is keeping you away from fully expressing your highest version of you!
Take this quick quiz to determine how much of your energy you give away to be liked and what this means for you.
The following questions should be answered with the following choices:
Often (The majority of the time)
Occasionally (About half the time)
Seldom (Rarely – less than a handful of times a year)
- How often do you alter your behavior or words to come across as more likeable or accepted by others?
- How often do you worry about what you said after having a conversation with someone?
- How often do you feel misunderstood?
- How often do you feel a need to self-protect?
- How often do you feel concerned about others potentially judging you?
- How often do you struggle with remaining present and focused on another when conversing because you feel self-conscious?
- How often do you feel apprehensive to share how you really feel?
What your responses mean:
If the majority of your answers were responded with “Often,” this means:
Your energy is subconsciously geared toward fear of your true self rather than self-love, acceptance and approval. To live your life more freely and at peace, it is time for you to address what you really feel about yourself. Ask yourself: What are you judging about you? What aspects of yourself do you not fully understand and therefore hide? It is time to unravel the shame you carry toward you!
If the majority of your answers were responded with “Occasionally,” this means:
Certain situations are energy leaks for you. Although you have worked through some blocks in the past, there is still a core aspect that needs your attention and nurturance. To understand more about your ego block, ask yourself: What types of people or situations trigger your defenses? What is the sense of lack that you believe in during those moments or situations? Although you don’t feel completely drained by your energy leaks, it is important for you to find the leak in order to have the internal energy to empower you to be your highest version of you!
If the majority of your answers were responded with “Seldom,” this means:
You are living your life authentically because you have very few times when your energy leaks toward fear. This means you know and are connected to your inner wisdom and truth very intimately, which is a beautiful way to live! As a person committed to consciously evolving and growing, you will still encounter fears. Keep utilizing F.E.E.L: Feel Every Emotion as Love to guide you back to your truth when those occasions happen or you find yourself in an emotional “growth-spurt!”
Additional Optional Recommendations
If the majority of your answers were “Often,” personal support would be a great option for you. Currently you have core beliefs that are more aligned with your false self rather than your authentic self, which personal support can help you shift. If you are interested in personal work with me, please fill out my evaluation form and I’ll get back to you shortly. http://michellebersell.com/evaluation-form/
If the majority of your answers were “Occasionally,” you won’t have energy to give toward your potential, when your energy is being leaked. Nip your energy leaks in the bud through my F.E.E.L. Virtual Mastery Home Study Program. This is the perfect program to support you to pull the blinders away from your ego blocks! http://www.michellebersell.com/feel/
If the majority of your answers were “Seldom,” keep doing what you are doing! Find continued inspiration through events (both live and virtual) with like-minded people to keep your spirit recharged and energized!
Live Emotionally Conscious – Live Exceptionally Well,
The Good Girl Syndrome
Although men can also fall prey to being “too good”,
women are especially prone to falling into the trap of being
“the good girl”. What is interesting about “the good girl
syndrome” is that we can be completely successful in one
area of our life yet in another area we succumb to being the
good girl. In other words, the good girl is not about being a
people pleaser or doormat; it is much more subtle. This is
why so many people find themselves stuck because they are
trying to remain the good girl.
The adult version of the good girl syndrome includes the
following:
(1) when we say yes when we really want to say
no;
(2) when our feelings get hurt yet we do not say a word;
or
(3) we completely disagree but we go along with it
anyway.
The good girl syndrome is interesting because it is
what women in particular fall back to when they do not know
their value in a relationship. For instance, maybe they have a
great marriage yet they question their worth when it comes to
their career. Perhaps it is the other way around where they
have been greatly successful in their career yet they struggle
with intimate relationships.
In those cases we are not certain of our worth, so we turn
to others to have our worth validated. In order to receive that
validation, we try to be the good girl. Why would we not?
After all that is what we learned to do as children. We were
told to get along and do not make waves in order to make
those around us happier. Our rational minds bought into that
if we can make others happy, we will be more liked, loved or
admired.
Yet the good girl is not able to be truly happy if she is
always stifling her essence. The good girl is not allowed to
simply be. If we cannot be ourselves, there is no way we will
ever feel true happiness let alone get what our hearts’ truly
desire. The truth of what we desire is masked by goodness of
the good girl, and will forever stay that way until we are
willing to share our true selves.
If you find yourself in a rut in a certain area of your life
or continue to struggle with a certain person, examine if you
have fallen victim of the good girl syndrome. Look at the
difference between those areas of our lives in which we
intrinsically know the value we bring versus this aspect in
which we feel stuck. Notice the lack of certainty you have
about you. Once you have a sense of certainty about who you
are in all areas of your life, there will be no need to be the
good girl. Your intrinsic goodness will shine through regardless
if you disagree or disappoint another because you will
know with certainty the truth of your essence. This can only
occur by listening to your feelings and being willing to form
boundaries in your life.
Excerpt from Emotional Abundance: Become Empowered
www.EmotionalAbundance.com
How to Gain Greater Inner Confidence
I have the ability to appear confident when inside, I don’t feel that way. It sounds like a good thing, but is it? The period in my life in which people commented the most about how self-confident I was, was actually a time in my life that I felt the most insecure. Here lies the problem – when you are trying to project the image of confidence, you don’t feel it inside you. In fact, whatever you are trying to project about yourself comes from a place of lack within you. On the other hand, when you truly feel confident, you don’t worry about projecting confidence. You feel confident and that is all that matters to you. Energetically, this makes a world of difference as to how well you are able to make deeper, richer and more meaningful connections in the world.
So, today’s tips are not about how to fake confidence but to really gain inner confidence. Inner confidence allows energy to flow from you. The result is you authentically feel good about who you are and the gifts you bring to the world through your presence, without even trying!
4 Steps to Gain Greater Inner Confidence:
1. Take risks – Be willing to do things you aren’t good at, where you lack skill and where you have the opportunity to learn. That is after all what expansion is all about and what your spirit really enjoys experiencing. It is a part of living that leads to exhilarating moments that make you feel alive. Ego worries about messing up or being perfect, shut you down, make life boring & predictable and not fun =(
2. Don’t judge or compare yourself to others. Judgment is ego based. We all have to start building up a skill. Image if you saw a baby learning to take her/his first steps and you were critiquing the kid on not doing it right or well. Keep this image with you as you take your next step toward your heart’s desire. Remember notions such as “ I should know how to do this by myself” or “This should be easier” are ego messages.
3. Don’t try to project something that you are not feeling: This is an advanced step to take when you want to truly live emotionally conscious and authentic. Your tendency is to pull out the false self when you feel fear. We all do it. Instead, allow yourself to be who you are in that moment.
One of my long-time mentors is Sonia Choquette. I remember a story she shared a long time ago. She was doing a presentation in front of business people, which were typically not the type of people interested in having a psychic speak. She started off by saying to them “You scare me.” In turn they responded, “You scare us!” They shared a big laugh and most importantly Sonia’s willingness to be authentic allowed them to connect. If she would have pretended to be confident, the energy would have been much different. The reason is because there would have been unconscious defensiveness that would have inhibited the relationship formed, as well as the degree participants were able to receive Sonia’s guidance.
4. Honor what you authentically have got going for you: Another advanced step is to set aside what you feel you lack and focus in on that which you are authentically feeling that feels supportive. Maybe you aren’t feeling confident, but you feel excited or perhaps more attuned to others, even humble. Honor the gift this feeling brings forward within you and the uniqueness of the connection it offers.
What these steps do is provide you with ways to authentically gain inner confidence. What you are doing through these steps is choosing your essence/authentic self over your fears and ego blocks. The more you do, the more inner confidence you generate, the better you feel and connections are made easier and effortlessly!
Living Emotionally Conscious & Exceptionally Well Together,
How to deal with annoying people
Ahh, we all encounter someone from time to time that pushes an internal button and, like most of us, you will find the person annoys the heck out of you. Recently, I was asked to appear on FOX to answer how to address this common, yet irritating issue. To find resolve, follow this 5 step plan to let go of your internal button:
1. Understand Your Reaction: What is my reaction about? What am I defending?
2. Me, be defensive?: You defend that which feels vulnerable. What is that vulnerability in you that you don’t want others to see?
3. Acceptance: How can you apply greater acceptance and non-judgment to that vulnerablity? What is the benefit to you having this vulnerability?
4. Tell the Difference between Truth vs Falsehood: What about having that vulnerability isn’t true that feels inappropriately put on you?
5. Honor More of You: By acknowledging the truth vs the falseness to what is pushing your button, you are able to honor yourself more fully. In other words, you create further acceptance of yourself, which allows you to more honestly discriminate what is and is not your truth. As you share your acceptance and clarity with the person who once annoyed you, you will find your internal button diminishing right before your eyes!
Live Emotionally Conscious & Exceptionally Well,
Letting In New Possibilities by Letting Go of the Old
Last week I was at Fox doing a quick interview on what I could have talked forever about – Fears & Ego! Why? Because I see how even the most conscientious, spiritual people can get tripped up by these two aspects of your emotions. If you want your life to feel more ideal or make a change, yet can’t seem to make it happen, it is because you are stuck in the “emotional stone-ages.”
Here’s the deal – when you are stuck in the emotional stone-ages, one of two things happen:
1. You deny that your negative feelings and fears are impacting you, even though you are struggling to make your life more ideal.
OR
2. You realize you are experiencing negative feelings or fears, yet you feel these aspects of your emotional self hinder you.
Guess what? The reason why you feel this way is because your perspective regarding your emotional well-being is entirely based upon your ego. It is your ego judging your feelings and fears. The result is you cannot get the momentum you need when your perspective remains tied to your ego.
If you want to change your life for the better, you’ll want to have the clarity, energy, passion and personal power that your emotions give you to move forward faster and with greater ease. Choose this year to be the year you view all of your feelings, fears and ego through the lens of love rather than fear, and see how different your life becomes!
To help you make these shifts, always feel free to email support@michellebersell.com with your personal questions. I’ll post them on my blog (your personal info excluded) in the order they are received. Another option is to join my F.E.E.L. Virtual Mastery Program, which you can find out more about at http://www.michellebersell.com/feel/
Love is always the path you can trust to open yourself up to new possibilities!
Live Emotionally Conscious – Live Exceptionally Well,
Before I uncovered the truth to our emotions, I would become paralyzed by my feelings and fears, even though I had been professionally trained as a psychotherapist and life coach!
