Whenever we complain, it is because we are experiencing a level of dissatisfaction about a situation. Our sense of dissatisfaction occurs when a situation is creating stress, complications, or problems. Through complaining, we are hoping to be heard and ultimately to address a deeper, unconscious need of being seen, recognized, and valued. Hence, the real reason we complain is when we don’t feel our needs are being adequately honored.
When you are able to recognize how a situation is making you feel dishonored, you are able to voice your complaint from an empowered standpoint rather than lack. Most people, unfortunately, do not feel as if their voice matters, which makes their complaints ineffective. When you don’t feel empowered, whether that is at work or in a relationship, you don’t offer strategies to change the situation. From a place of unconscious disempowerment is while you’ll turn to making snide comments, gossip, or just plain being rude. These acts of disempowerment are your ego’s way to try to reclaim power, which of course not only doesn’t work, but also reinforces your sense of powerlessness.
Approaching Your Complaint from an Empowered Stance
When you approach a complaint from an empowered stance, you recognize the benefit in creating a change for everyone involved and you are able to voice those advantages to others. When you are truly connected to the advantages this has for the overall good, you are able to present yourself with greater confidence as well as compassion. You are able to look someone in the eye because you have the clarity for a better vision. At the same time, you are open to understanding where others are coming from as well. From this stance, you may encounter new information that allows you to recognize what changes you could make as well. Ultimately, this leads to more effective communication and connection.
In order to ensure you are addressing a complaint from an empowered stance, be cognizant of timing. First, make sure you are able to respond rather than react to your own feelings. When you react, you come from a place of lack and powerlessness, which shows up as blame. On the other hand, when you take a step back, you are able to respond to your feelings. By choosing to respond from an empowered stance, you are able to recognize how your feelings are guiding you to take action toward changing the circumstances. Rather than taking out the situation on another (regardless of how involved they are in creating that circumstance), your empowered stance recognizes this as on opportunity to cause a mutually beneficial change. The situation then automatically shifts from complaining and blaming another, to a discussion in which you claim responsibility for your needs at a deeper level.
Secondly, you are going to have better results by also being aware of timing for those whom you are approaching about a complaint. If they seem flustered or overwhelmed, save broaching the subject for a time when they can really listen to you. If this is something that is pressing, you can state to the person “I need to talk to you about something that is very important. My sense is that now may not be a good time. Can you give me a time today when you can take a few minutes to sit down and have a ten minute discussion?” This approach lets the other person involved know that you are thoughtful of both their feelings and their time, which leads to them being more receptive to what you have to share.
The bottom line is your complaints matter! Even if they do not feel received from another, even when you approach them from an empowered place, they matter. The reason is because this information about you not feeling heard, seen, or validated is important for YOU to take in about what decisions you need to make. Rather than look outside yourself for validation, see how this situation is guiding you to validate yourself from within first and foremost. From this place of inner validation, you gain the certainty about what next step is for your highest good, as well as those involved, and can respond from empowered love rather than fear or lack.
Should you currently be having a challenge with a certain area where your needs aren’t being met, I encourage you to join my upcoming online seminar The Keys to Emotional Mastery. It is often when you have issue with another, that you are being given an opportunity to access more of your truth and evolve. It is also where we often get stuck. Join this FREE gathering so you too can learn how your feelings are guiding you to become more aware of your inner truth and wisdom. Register here: www.keystoemotionalmastery.com/
Live Fearless – Choose Love,
PS: I would love to hear about your complaints. Do you allow yourself to complain or bite your tongue? Have you approached your complaints from love or fear, now that you are able to look back at them? Would it also be helpful for me to cover how not to take complaints or criticisms directed toward you so personally?? Keep me posted and share your thoughts below!
In the last couple of months, I have been fortunate to do some travel that’s been all about FUN! One of those trips was shortly after my book launch where my husband and I got away to Old Quebec -sans kids!! Needless to say we had a blast. We were thrilled to get away to a French speaking land where croissants and cappuccinos were found around every corner.
One of our adventures was traveling to the Montmorency Falls. We were told this was about 8 miles from our hotel and were lent bikes to make the trek. “Just go up to the market and follow the trails,” we were directed. Little did we know there would be multiple trails and with little French under our belts, we went the wrong way. This made our 16 mile round-trip ride turn into a 30 mile adventure.
Although I was exhausted by the end of it, I was filled with appreciation for two main reasons. The first was being able to see even more of the country than we planned (especially the exquisite falls) and the second was recognizing how much easier it was to navigate the adventure without kids in tow.
This reminded me of how often we are not just dealing with our own emotions. Our feelings are impacted by those around us and how they are feeling in the moment as well. Just one challenge can stir the pot. With the multitude of challenges you can encounter in any one day, it is easy to find on one of those more challenging days that you find yourself feeling as if you are living on an emotional roller coaster.
My point is feelings happen. When you find yourself on that emotional roller coaster, check out my video this week on how you can get off quickly and easily:
Please share the wealth and spread to the message of love to those you know who are caught in the ups and downs of life!
Live Fearlessly – Choose Love,
The pain and horror of Sept 11, 2001 still resides within our psyche because the actions did not honor human life. This indiscriminate loss of life was based upon fear – fear of loss of power, fear of loss of control, and fear of not being heard or seen, just to name a few. Although this act of terrorism caused horrific pain and suffering, there was another unexpected outcome that would result.
The unexpected outcome was that the heart of humanity opened even wider on that day. We were touched at our core, which made us respond more deeply from love to one another. Simply put, we became even more fully connected, as we felt for one another, bridging all social divisions.
While we will not forget the tragedy that occurred 11 years ago today, let us also not forget the unity that occurred as well. The unity reminds us of the core level of relating to one another that is possible when our own fears and judgments are not in the way.
Do you remember how much love was pouring out of you for your family and friends? Do you remember how strangers didn’t feel so distant or disconnected from you? Do you remember how trivial other aspects of your life seemed?
You knew on that day how nonsensical it was to hold onto a grudge any longer, no matter how right you felt you were. You stopped being so hard on yourself because you saw the fragility and gift of life. You began to question how you could make a bigger difference in the world.
In other words, you lived from your soul.
Eleven years later, are you still living at that deep level of connection with others, living at your fullest purpose and celebrating life?
If you are like me, you have moments when you are living aligned with your true, authentic, spiritual self. You also have plenty of moments were you get caught up in the demands of work, or relational dramas in your life.
Here’s the good news: when you do get off your spiritual path, you have an innate system alarming you. This system is otherwise known as your negative feelings.
In the past, we have judged our negative emotions, as bad, weak, wrong, or annoying. Little did you know that when you had this judgment against how you felt, you were creating a chasm between yourself and your inner wisdom. Little did you know you were responding from fear.
When you respond from fear within yourself, you are bound to unconsciously respond to others from fear as well. Your fear shows up as judgments, blame and criticalness.
One major example of this is how divided the US political system is. Do your political views reflect anger and frustration coming from your ego?
Here’s the test:
Can you see the other party you aren’t affiliated with as one in the same as you? Are they or are they not just as caring and concerned as you? Can your soul self accept that another’s cares and concerns (although different) also comes from love, just as your cares and concerns do?
Did I hit a nerve asking you those questions? If so, that is good information because that nerve is your ego. Your ego is where your unconscious fears remain hidden from you, yet get played out in the world.
Your negative feelings, when understood from love rather than fear, is what allows you to wake up to your unconscious fears. Being able to recognize where your fear exists allows you to see where love is ready to expand within you.
Negative feelings challenge each of us to awaken to more of our truth and love,
while the ego wants you to stay safe feeling right.
Until we can approach each other from the same level of respect, NOTHING and NO-THING will change. Yet to respect one another, you must first respect yourself. In other words, in order to unify the whole, you must first unify the self.
Self-unification begins by reclaiming what has been shamed, considered weak or wrong and recognizing how it is meant to support you to claim more love from within yourself. When you are able to recognize the love emanating from within you at this level, you will see the same love in others even when they are buying into the illusion of separation, judgment and blame. And from this perspective of love, you can be a true agent of change: whether that is within your marriage, family, friends, community, nation or world.
Sept 11th is a day that reminds us how insidious fear can be. It is each our individual responsibility to become aware of our fears, even (and especially) when it is challenging to do so. With this awareness, you gain choice, the choice of love.
By love, let me explain what I mean. “This truth-filled love isn’t about telling you what you want to hear, or making you falsely believe that everything will be just dandy regardless of how you do or don’t act….Neither saccharine nor mean-spirited, the guidance you receive from this higher consciousness is wholly loving, yet clear and straight to the point regarding how you are being called to respond to your life.” (From F.E.E.L.: Feel Every Emotion as Love, Turn Your Negative Feelings Into Your Greatest Allies).
We are each being called to relearn how to live on and with the Earth. To do so, we must “reawaken our feminine emotional awareness so we can communicate with the higher octaves of reality.” (From Last Cry – Native American Prophesies & Tales of the End Times). Feminine emotional awareness is the shift from pushing against to receiving our feelings and their innate gifts.
Let this day be an awakening as to why it is integral to recognize where fears exists so we can make conscious effort to instead live with more love. Only when we can make this internal shift back to love, unity and peace, will the same be reflected in our world.
Live Fearlessly – Chose Love,
A portion of all book sales from Aug 11th- Sept 11th will benefit charities of 9/11 Families.
Go to www.feelthebook.info & begin to make a deeper emotional shift from fear to love!
(Plus today is the last day to claim numerous, exclusive bonus gifts. Don’t miss out!)