One Workday, No Blackberry & The Results Are?

Consciously choosing not to turn on my Blackberry for one whole day during the middle of my work week and stepping away from work can bring up anxiety and guilt.  “Am I being responsible?  I have so much to do, how will all my work ever get done?” are all questions of my ego uses to try to keep me settled into the daily throws of work.  At first, stepping away felt tortuous.  All too clearly, I begin to see the slight addictive behaviors I have toward checking my email and trying to stay on top of everything.

Nevertheless, I allowed my spirit to win!  My spirit was telling me I needed a break.  I have had to put in a lot of hours to get the audio series completed.  This weekend, I am working on Sunday speaking at an event.  Therefore, I decided, what if I acted as if Tuesday was really a Saturday?  What would it be like to let myself off the hook during the weekday?  Let me tell you it felt good!

My rational mind wouldn’t have thunk it but watching re-runs of The Office was exactly what my spirit needed.  Usually, when I take breaks throughout my work day, I try to be spiritually conscious.  I go for walks in nature and read inspiring passages.  Yesterday was all about just allowing myself to relax and be a so-called “slug” ( my ego’s words, not mine) if that is what I needed. 

After lying in bed watching three episodes of The Office, I did some coloring, took a nap, then a bath and made some homemade ice cream which I allowed myself to have prior to eating the pancake dinner I made for my family.   All and all, a great day and a wonderful reminder that what fuels my spirit doesn’t have to be so serious or reflective.  What fuels my spirit is the joy in just allowing myself to be.  Oh and the result, as if feeling joyful and relaxed wasn’t enough – a renew enthusiasm toward delving back into my work!

With Joy,  Michelle

Care Giver Struggling Reaches Out – Real Advice Given

Hi Michelle,

I have had my 83 year old mother living with me for 9 years and she is illiterate and has never learned the tools to get through life and so i find myself having to do everything for her …even her thinking. She is a demanding, stubborn hard to please woman and as I work full time i am finding life a real struggle. My husband has been pretty patient but he sometimes loses it.

I find i am always depressed, very angry, frustrated and at my wits end. I have tried to have a break from my mother and tried to put her in respite care for a few days but she has absolutely refused to go.

I have been on antidepressants for a few years but they don’t seem to work and as I am under quite a bit of pressure at work i feel like i am ready for a breakdown. I have had quite a few outbursts at work when i am challenged by my lazy male co worker who doesnit seem to cope well with the added pressure that we have been put under with our work.

I feel like running away from everything but I need to work for financial reasons as I have turned to gambling as an out and we have had to remortgage our home as a consequence of my actions. I feel very sorry that i have put my husband in this position but really was incapable of realizing the consequences of my actions at the time due to being depressed and the medication maybe numbing my feelings.

I am in a real mess and would appreciate any help from yourself.

Warmest Regards,

MB

 

Dear MB, (Hey, we share the same initials, how about that!)

Thank you for writing me and admitting your true feelings.  So many people I have supported who are also caregivers struggle to reveal their real emotions.  They become accustom to shoving down these feelings and then suffering in other areas of their life.

I share this with you not only to honor your courage but to also share with others the importance of sharing our true feelings.  By allowing yourself to be vulnerable not only do you not have to suffer alone but neither do the thousands of caregivers who are also struggling.  A message for all of us is that covering up your feelings only causes greater suffering.

Okay, now onto your challenge as a caregiver.  The truth is, MB, you should feel as you stated “depressed, very angry, frustrated and at my wits end “ because how your life is set up right now is not working for you.  You are struggling emotionally at that depth because it is at that depth that you need to take a hold of your life and create change. 

What you have done is what society teaches us to do, react to our emotions on an ego level.  The emotions feel overwhelming to us, we stuff them down and then we do crazy things to try to escape how we really feel.  This is the reality, MB, of what has caused you to turn to gambling.  You were looking for a magic cure all to take away the pain you are feeling. 

The truth is there is no magic pill to take.  The only way to remedy the situation is going to be through your hard work. I know the last thing you want is more hard after all you have on your plate.  Let’s face it though, dealing with your feelings based on the ego has made your life worse, as you now have debt to deal with on top of care giving for your mother.  

If you were to F.E.E.L., you would see that your anger, frustration and depression are due to you not owning your power completely in this situation.  Now you have further given it away with gambling.  To turn this around, first your inner work of not seeing yourself as a victim. I say this with great compassion because I feel like it is one of the most common ways we unknowingly self-sabotage and it is pretty easy to do.  The truth is your reality is tough.  Being a care giver takes immense amount of energy and if that energy is depleted in you, there won’t be any to give.  Rather than be a victim of your circumstances, in which you feel helpless to create change, your feelings are telling you to own your power. 

My sense is for you that this begins with creating greater personal boundaries.  I intuitively feel that you are operating based on old roles where what your moms says go, as if you were still a young child.  This is very common for women and their relationships with their mothers.  As you age, your role and relationship with your parents needs to reflect who you are as an adult.  Many parent-child relationships never mature and cause a lot of unnecessary ill-will, pain and struggle. 

Besides your boundaries with your mother, my sense is that this is a problem with other people in your life as well, especially other family.  Are you buying into being defined by how they perceive you?  My sense is that you are and then your actions become a self-fulfilling prophecy.    

This is tough work and I don’t sugar coat it because I don’t feel that it is nice to mislead you.  I want to give you the beginning steps as what you do have the power to take responsibility for in your life.  As you do begin to take personal responsibility, you will find how these other pieces begin to fall into place.  If you re-establish a relationship with your true self, which can be done by listening to the real message underneath your feelings, you will find the exact guidance you need to turn this situation around one step at a time.  THIS WILL NOT BE A QUICK FIX.  These changes will take some doing on your part, yet I know they will work.  You are worth making this happen MB. You are worth making your life work for you. It can happen but you must find yourself worthy of taking such effort.

Thank you again MB for sharing your struggle and walking this path with me to live your life more emotionally conscious and well!

The Antidote to Feeling Stressed Out!

New Amazing Project I Am Working On = Increase In Stress

Find Out My Shift in Perspective that is Supporting Me Immensely!

I am having a serious struggle right now not to reveal to you what I am working on but I don’t want to ruin the surprise.  All I can say is that it is going to offer you amazing support to consciously grow and I am giving it to you for FREE!  Okay, that is it.  I cannot reveal anymore now.

What I do what to share with you is a couple of ways that are really working to support me during a time that has increased stress.  I am sure you too have had those periods in your life when something happens that could be good, challenging or both, which adds more to your already full plate.  My plate, like so many of yours, is already filled with raising three kids, running a business and maintaining my household as well as a sense of balance.  Now added to that mix are details and deadlines that I have to attend to in addition to those other wonderful aspects of my life that need my attention.

So what am I doing to handle the increase in stressful situations?  I prepare for my stress.  I don’t try to think positively and pretend it doesn’t exist.  No, instead I affirm that I have an increase of responsibilities and think about how I am going to take care of myself given this truth to my reality.  I have always been big on nurturing myself but now I make sure to give myself at least 20 minutes during my work day to take a break. 

Yes, during a time when I have more to do, I am taking more breaks.  Why?  I need those breaks because when I am working, I need to be super efficient.  I need to give my mind a book, a walk in nature or time to stare out the window in order that it can let go of the details and just be.  My morning meditation is not enough to sustain my spirit all day otherwise.

I am also an observer to my process.  I watch my language and stories regarding this time.  Care is put toward being real about what I have to do while not going into a victim or martyr mentality about this time.  The truth is that this period, which is challenging me, is also an immense gift.  I truly believe how I handle this demonstrates whether I can handle the added responsibility that sometimes comes with bigger gifts.  Am I going to lose my true essence and forgo nurturing by over identifying myself with this project?  Or am I going to claim my truth worth each day by continuing to nourish and care for my spirit because I know my essence is my authentic expression? 

The truth is that sometimes I find myself leaning toward the end of the continuum that is exhaustion.  I don’t go there but my mind at times wants to take me there when the details start to feel overwhelming.  That is my cue to stop, take a break and then listen to where I am truly being guided to put my energy. 

Being the observer of myself through this process has allowed me to stay feeling greater balance and joy in the process than I expected. As I integrate these ways of approaching this very full time in my life, I feel proud of myself.  I am proud of myself not for what I do each day but for who I am. 

None of us will get a true sense of fulfillment based upon how much we get done on our to-do lists.  You feel fulfilled when you are living in alignment with your true essence.  Even when you are being called to give of your energy in a certain way, know that it doesn’t equate to losing yourself in the process. 

 I feel grateful to have found these ways to live feeling a deep fulfillment and commitment to my life’s purpose and work.  I hope that you may also apply these to your life when those periods of increase stress and responsibility pop up.  Whether challenging or exhilarating, these times are meant to shift us to more fully own our true power.  It is just a matter of finding your way to claim it!

 Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

What Does Generosity of Spirit Look Like to You?

The holidays are the time of year when you naturally feel more inclined to be generous.  You want to share your gratitude for all that you have been given, as well as a sense of love and appreciation for those you care about.  A huge message I keep getting over and over is about being generous but not in the typical buy presents kind-of-way. 

Presents are great and fun to receive.  Yet, there is something a little extra special to giving of yourself in a way that touches your heart because the giving authentically came from you.  I’ve been asking myself what are those little extra doses of generosity that I can give out.  Sometimes money is involved, sometimes it is not.  What I like about the generosity of spirit behind the giving is that often times, only I will know or that the giving is uniquely between me and another. 

In asking myself “How can I share of myself and my resources in a way that stretches me a little bit more?,” I have found two great gifts.    The first gift is a deeper level of trust and knowingness that I can give of myself in ways that my rational mind would tell me I cannot.  For me, this means such an intense demonstration of how loved and cared for I am by God. 

The second gift is realizing that this generosity of spirit also applies to me.  In other words, how can you be generous in spirit to you?  When you remember you are not only supposed to be generous to others but also to yourself, you will feel that deepening of love and faith that the holidays are truly about. 

Here is to you creating a generous and blessed holiday season!

With Faith and Love,

Michelle

PS:  Would you mind being generous with your ideas by sharing what generosity of spirit looks like to you?  Add your comment and let’s share with one another simple ways to be generous to each other and yourself, as we end this calendar year.

How High is Your Pain Tolerance When It Comes to Stress?

Did you ever play those games when you were a kid to see how far you could bend back your fingers without giving up in pain?  How about allowing a relative or friend to keep hitting you harder and harder to see how long you could take it without giving up?  In both of these cases, the more pain you could tolerate, the stronger you were viewed.  I am sure at one point or another you gave it a try in order to avoid being called a wimp.

These silly games you play as a kid imprints a lasting message in your psyche.  The message is you are somehow better if you are tough and learn to “suck up” the pain or discomfort that you are feeling.   This message has been reiterated by adults as well because of the belief that you need to be able tolerate pain because life is not always fair.

The unfortunate outcome is that you learn how to tolerate your pain too well.  The result is suffering with your careers, your relationships and/or your sense of self due to your great tolerance of pain.  You have learned loud and clear that you are better off sucking it up.  You pull yourself up by the boot straps and try to move forward all the while ignoring the pain the best you can. 

What you don’t think about is how this will impact you in the long-term because you have been trained not to.  There is this pain reliever/aspirin commercial that demonstrates this so well.  The storyline is that this man suffers from pains that hold him back from accomplishing what he wants.  Presto — when he takes his pain reliever, we see him strong, being able to climb any mountain and accomplish his dream.   The message is that here is an easy way to cover up your pain that allows you to achieve all that you desire.  What I am thinking is this poor guy – he thinks he is being so strong by pushing himself past his limits and he is going to wake up to some major pain possibly even hurting himself physically to the point where it is beyond repair.  This commercial reiterates what you have all been taught to believe, which is if you toughen up and cover up your pain, you will then be able to get what you want.  This may work for the short-term but in the long run you end up hurting yourself even more. 

By ignoring your pain there is another part deep down within you that believes in the message of the pain rather than hearing the truth.  The truth is that your emotions want to share with you how to alleviate the pain for good.   Rather than hear this message, you are too focused on putting your best self forward all the while ignoring the hurt you feel.  What this actually does is keep you stuck and that is the sad part because it doesn’t have to be that way.

There are few people who are born without having the sensitivity to pain in their bodies. Their inability to feel the pain puts them in great danger and they end up getting hurt often.  Others have to keep a close watch on them because they do not register the signals that tell them what is taxing or hurting them.

I believe our society as a whole is suffering because we have tampered with the amazing gift of our emotional sensitivity.  Rather than picking up on the emotional signals that tell you when something is not good, you tolerate what isn’t good for you.  Worse yet is how you tell yourself to get over it, move on, think positively or be the better person and rise above it.  The reality is that you are just telling yourself that you are not sick of these circumstances enough to make a change.  In other words, you are telling your pain to bring on some more because you can and will take more pain. 

Once you have reached the point where you are so tired of the pain and so exhausted from fighting, only then will change occur.  The gift is that your pain doesn’t have to reach that point in order for you to take action.  So what is it going to be for you — a high pain tolerance or a low pain tolerance? 

My hope is that you will join me in having a low pain tolerance.  With a low pain tolerance you will recognize your sadness, anger or frustration more often.  The difference is that you will see this as a gift that will help you to live your life even better.  Trust me, it is not the emotions that are so painful rather it is the truth that you are trying to deny.  But remember the truth will always set you free.  Doesn’t living freely sound better than living chained to the pain?

Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

Next Page »