How High is Your Pain Tolerance When It Comes to Stress?

Did you ever play those games when you were a kid to see how far you could bend back your fingers without giving up in pain?  How about allowing a relative or friend to keep hitting you harder and harder to see how long you could take it without giving up?  In both of these cases, the more pain you could tolerate, the stronger you were viewed.  I am sure at one point or another you gave it a try in order to avoid being called a wimp.

These silly games you play as a kid imprints a lasting message in your psyche.  The message is you are somehow better if you are tough and learn to “suck up” the pain or discomfort that you are feeling.   This message has been reiterated by adults as well because of the belief that you need to be able tolerate pain because life is not always fair.

The unfortunate outcome is that you learn how to tolerate your pain too well.  The result is suffering with your careers, your relationships and/or your sense of self due to your great tolerance of pain.  You have learned loud and clear that you are better off sucking it up.  You pull yourself up by the boot straps and try to move forward all the while ignoring the pain the best you can. 

What you don’t think about is how this will impact you in the long-term because you have been trained not to.  There is this pain reliever/aspirin commercial that demonstrates this so well.  The storyline is that this man suffers from pains that hold him back from accomplishing what he wants.  Presto — when he takes his pain reliever, we see him strong, being able to climb any mountain and accomplish his dream.   The message is that here is an easy way to cover up your pain that allows you to achieve all that you desire.  What I am thinking is this poor guy – he thinks he is being so strong by pushing himself past his limits and he is going to wake up to some major pain possibly even hurting himself physically to the point where it is beyond repair.  This commercial reiterates what you have all been taught to believe, which is if you toughen up and cover up your pain, you will then be able to get what you want.  This may work for the short-term but in the long run you end up hurting yourself even more. 

By ignoring your pain there is another part deep down within you that believes in the message of the pain rather than hearing the truth.  The truth is that your emotions want to share with you how to alleviate the pain for good.   Rather than hear this message, you are too focused on putting your best self forward all the while ignoring the hurt you feel.  What this actually does is keep you stuck and that is the sad part because it doesn’t have to be that way.

There are few people who are born without having the sensitivity to pain in their bodies. Their inability to feel the pain puts them in great danger and they end up getting hurt often.  Others have to keep a close watch on them because they do not register the signals that tell them what is taxing or hurting them.

I believe our society as a whole is suffering because we have tampered with the amazing gift of our emotional sensitivity.  Rather than picking up on the emotional signals that tell you when something is not good, you tolerate what isn’t good for you.  Worse yet is how you tell yourself to get over it, move on, think positively or be the better person and rise above it.  The reality is that you are just telling yourself that you are not sick of these circumstances enough to make a change.  In other words, you are telling your pain to bring on some more because you can and will take more pain. 

Once you have reached the point where you are so tired of the pain and so exhausted from fighting, only then will change occur.  The gift is that your pain doesn’t have to reach that point in order for you to take action.  So what is it going to be for you — a high pain tolerance or a low pain tolerance? 

My hope is that you will join me in having a low pain tolerance.  With a low pain tolerance you will recognize your sadness, anger or frustration more often.  The difference is that you will see this as a gift that will help you to live your life even better.  Trust me, it is not the emotions that are so painful rather it is the truth that you are trying to deny.  But remember the truth will always set you free.  Doesn’t living freely sound better than living chained to the pain?

Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

Finding Your Sweet Spot – In Meditation that Is!

Come on admit it, when you first saw the words “sweet spot” did your mind immedicately go to sex?  (Okay, mine did!)  Here is the gift in having both psychotherapy training and life coaching.  I can talk about very personal points while addressing the spiritual.  This is what I came up with:  I believe there are some great comparisons to finding your sexual sweet spot and your meditative one.  Because I believe it is more challenging to find your meditative sweet spot, that is where I am going to keep my focus!

First, you may be wondering what I mean by your sweet spot when it comes to mediation.  Your meditative sweet spot is where you are flowing in some zone that simultaneously has no feeling yet, feels extremely good.  For me, my meditative sweet spot also feels like home.  To find it, there are some similarities to finding your sexual sweet spot as well as your meditative one.  Here they are:

1) The more you practice, the easier you find it

2) You can’t just jump into your sweet spot, it takes patience

3) You need to be in the present moment

Although my meditative sweet spot can be more allusive, it is worth the patience and practice.  Sometimes, I can ride the energetic wave that I am on and sometimes my mind and/or feelings distract me.  More often than not the later is the case.  Nevertheless, not being in my meditative zone does not mean that the mediation was ineffective.  Just quieting myself, even if I only last 5 minutes, does wonders.  It also affirms my commitment to connecting with my spiritual self.  Allow yourself to learn to ride the meditative wave.  Watch it build and then you will find your sweet spot as well!

Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle

5 Ways to Regain Power When You Feel Powerless

You have likely had an experience in which you were relying on someone, only to find out they let you down.  Maybe you were counting on a co-worker or family member to pitch in, or perhaps you hired someone who said they could get the job done but lacked the expertise to get it done right.  Whatever the case is, when you are counting on someone and they don’t fulfill their end of the deal, you are left trying to right their wrongs.  If you don’t carry the skill set required that the other person was to fulfill, you can really feel powerless to correct the situation.  No matter how grim the situation looks, use these 5 methods to regain your personal sense of power.

1) Pray or Meditate – If you believe in a higher power, prayer can be the most powerful action you can do.  Of course, this involves trust and patience, yet it can put your mind at ease knowing that your needs will be met.  For both believers and non-believers, meditation is another supportive tool to get you back to your center. As you connect with the peace within you, you are able to tap into your inner wisdom to guide you.

2) Focus on the Present – Eckhart Tolle got this right!  When you are completely engaged in the present moment, there is no room for past or future.  Plus, being in the present allows joy and gratitude to surface.  Rather than giving your power away by focusing on that which you don’t have control over, turn to the gifts of the present.  

 3) Engage in Activities that Reinforce Your Belief System – So many times when you feel overwhelmed, it is easier to find yourself turning to coping activities rather than empowering activities.  Coping activities are those that either make you feel worse (like eating, drinking or shopping too much), or pass time but do nothing to improve your state of mind (watching tv or internet surfing).  Empowering activities remind you of the gifts that are within you and around you.  These activities can include reading an inspirational book, doing yoga or watching an against-all-odds movie.  Whatever works for you to build up your sense of faith and power is the conscious choice you want to be making at this time.

 4) Talk Out Your Problem With a Trusted Friend –  Talking out your problem with a trusted friend will give you support in many ways.  First you will feel validated, which allows you to move past your ego and gain clarity toward real solutions that help you move forward.  If a friend isn’t available right away, pick up a journal and write about the situation, as if you were telling it to a friend.  You’ll be amazed at the clarity that can be made by that simple step!

 5) Seek Help – If the person who was supposed to support you doesn’t fulfill her or his end of the deal, seek further assistance.  What are the other resources available? Are there others who can come in and address the problem at hand?   The more people you have on your side, the more options you have to resolve the situation in a way that feels good to you.  Let others who are impacted know so that they can help, even if it is simply by being patient.

Use these tools in whatever order or fashion that authentically allows you to move past the illusion of problem and into creating resolution.  Through the use of these tools, not only did I regain my sense of power, I also received two gifts.  The first gift was learning that I can still enjoy life, even when an important aspect has gone awry.  The second gift was a personal reinforcement revealing that I was on the right path and had gained the lessons I needed to in order to more easily fulfill my life’s work.  By using these tools, you too will see the hidden gifts that await you the next time you feel powerless!

 Live Authentically – Live Exceptionally Well,

Michelle